"Mmmm, pet," Spike almost purred, and Xander slipped into the bed, his body still warm from work and the sun, and Spike curled toward him, wrapped himself around Xander with strong arms that always sought the hottest places. One hand slipped down into Xander's jeans and just cupped his cock. The other wrapped around him and tangled in his hair.

"You awake?" Xander asked. God, how had he let himself get into this... oh yeah, lots of alcohol and an ugly break up. Well, at least this time he'd picked someone he could trust. Not trust with his paycheck or the remote or the lives of most of the town if the chip ever came out, but he could trust Spike's loyalty. The vamp had stuck with Drusilla through slimy demons and Angelus... who wasn't technically slimy, but Xander still put him in the slime category.

"Gettin' there," Spike sleepily answered. "Work go okay?"

Every time Spike asked that, Xander had to smile. Yeah, Spike totally didn't want to know about the mixup with ordering the wrong sized nails for the nail gun, not unless someone was getting tortured over it, but at least he asked.

"Boss is furious about some screw up with ordering," Xander said as he wiggled his toes in his socks, rubbing Spike's shins.

One blue eye blearily opened. "Not blamin' you, are they?"


"Bloody better not," Spike pronounced and then the eye was closed again. That was the limit of his interest in Xander's work. "Have that soddin' meeting tonight, don't we?" Spike asked as he stretched, his fingers teasing the end of Xander's cock, a fingernail lightly scoring over the head. Xander couldn't control the shiver that chased down his spine. Spike smiled.

"Um... what?" Xander asked, his brain slowly gooifying as Spike's hand now gripped him, tightening deliciously and moving with small, deliberate strokes.

"Meeting," Spike said slowly, but then his hand was slowly moving and Xander just blinked as Spike slowly opened his eyes and stalked forward until he was perched over Xander, and Xander's pants were somehow open and Spike was naked, and Xander was fairly sure his brain was goo now because thought... thought was overrated. Feeling was the way to go. He surrendered his body to Spike, allowing the vampire to move him and control him and fill him until Xander couldn't think past the moment.


In the kitchen, Xander threw hamburgers into a pan while Spike heated his blood. "Was thinking," Xander started.

Spike was there, pressed against his back, a hand reaching down for naughty touching. "Must not have buggered you hard enough then. Maybe we should try again before going to the meeting." His words were a whisper in Xander's ear, and Xander shivered. "You'd let me, too, wouldn't you, pet? You'd let me drag you back to the bed and put you on your knees. You'd smell that meat in here burning, and you would just lay under my hands until I let you go."

Spike tightened his grip on Xander's crotch and this shiver became a burning need. Of course, it was a need without hardness because Xander wasn't a machine, but still. If Spike wanted to use him, he was totally okay with that. In fact, he was starting to think he had a real kink for getting used, which was good because no way could he keep up with the undead.

Reaching around, Spike took the spatula out of Xander's hand and flipped the two burgers, and that's when Xander realized he'd been standing under Spike's hands for some time now. Spike chuckled. "Bloody easy, you are, pet."

"Hey, I'm a male. We're supposed to be stupid when it comes to sex, Mr. Follows Crazy Girl Around," Xander pointed out. Spike raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Anyway, with the thinking. What if we tell the others. I mean, they have to find out at some point, and I'd rather not have that point be Willow walking in on us in the bedroom. Well actually," Xander said after a second, "I'm saying Willow walking in before or after they know is pretty much a no."

"I don't know, she's a bit of treat."

"She's gay," Xander pointed out as he put an elbow in Spike's ribs.

"Oi, you humans, always getting your knickers in a twist over the balmiest shite."

"Okay, she's like my sister, Spike."

The vampire shrugged. "In a vamp clan, you're more likely to sleep with your sisters than not. Angelus pretty much taught me ta be a vampire, which means me and Dru were both his childer, and I slept with her. Oh how I slept with her. Did things with her what would break human bones."

"Okay, disturbing much?" Xander complained as he thought about that a little too much.

"Humans," Spike huffed dismissively, which was pretty much his answer to anything that Xander tended to put into the 'right versus wrong' category. "So, you're thinkin' of confessing all your sins with the big, bad vampire?" Spike leaned against the refrigerator and got a thoughtful expression as Xander added cheese to the burgers. American for him, cheddar for Spike.

"Yep. I figure there's no time like the present and it's the present right now, so no time like right now for telling."

Spike nodded slowly. "Bit will take it well. Can't say the same for Red. You ready to head her off at the pass when she tries to use mojo to either see if you've been mojoed or mojo you out of this?"

"Willow wouldn't--" Xander stopped and thought about that for a second. Willow totally might... maybe. "Okay, I know she'd give you the shovel talk, but you're not intimidated by shovels, at least not the metal end because the wood end, that probably looks a little scary from the vamp side of the street."

"Not scared of Red, pet. Just make sure you stand between me and Rupes or that one will shove a piece of wood in me. He'll be so distressed over how he sent me off ta live with you so he could get his end off that all that guilt is going to turn into him tryin' his best to dust me."

Xander took the burgers off the burner and turned to look at Spike as he rubbed his hair. "I hate this. I feel like I'm lying to them, but when you say stuff like that, I want to lie to them because you're right.... lying is much with the better compared to not lying. Not lying is the path to badness." Crossing the room, Xander let his hand rest on Spike's shoulder. "But I don't want you to think that I'm trying to keep you like some dirty, little secret because I'm not. Okay, so the me being gay is kinda a secret at work with the potential for gaybashing goodies of the skull-crushing varieties, but I am not ashamed of it. And I'm not ashamed of you. Yeah, Buffy is so going to get her hits in after the me and Angel controversy."

"Controversy?" Spike snorted. "You made sure she sent the git to hell."

"Hey, you helped. You were right there helping with the going to hell plan, not that we were exactly on the same side, just sort of side adjacent, but there was helping going on."

"Yeah, pet, there was. Always did like how you stood up to Peaches." Spike reached out and pulled Xander close, nibbling on an ear. "Like it better when you submit to me," he whispered.

"Guh," Xander managed as he looked helplessly toward his hamburger. Oh well, it wouldn't be the first time he'd eaten a cold hamburger he thought as Spike pushed him stomach down on the table, pulling his pants down and stroking Xander's exposed ass.


"The Xan man is on scene, so any girl on girl action can now commence," Xander said as he pushed open the door to the Magic Box. Willow blushed, but Tara just gave him an indulgent expression, like she knew something. That just made Xander want to babble more. The best defense was a good offense, and when it came to his girls and secrets, Xander lived by that motto.

"Yes, perhaps we can focus on the demon and not your adolescent fantasy," Giles said as he came out from behind the counter with a stack of books.

"Come on G-man, you can't tell me that you don't wonder what the girls do when they make their spells."

"Xander!" Willow exclaimed.

"I can honestly say I do not," Giles said. "Right now, my chief concern is the demon Buffy saw on patrol last night..."

"Where is the Buffster?" Xander asked as he dropped onto the couch. Oh yeah, he was still sore. He'd thought Anya was demanding, but Spike was Anya times twenty. The only thing that saved him was that he didn't have to come every time because if Spike had made that a goal, the girls would be visiting Xander in the cemetery, which... not with the fun.

"She said she would be late. She was going to stop by Spike's crypt and see if he had any information."

"Oh," Xander said, going for casual.

Fuckity fuck fuck. Xander hoped that Spike managed to get there in time and make the place at least look like someone lived there. Sometimes it really bothered Xander that no one in the group even cared that Spike was sleeping on a stone sarcophagus and living in a crypt with stolen electricity coming in through an orange extension cord. All through Buffy being dead, Spike had been there helping to run interference with child protective services and to beat up demons for mortgage money and to get Xander good and drunk after an Anya-sized breakup. And still, they were all okay with him living in... what was that word Spike had used the other day... squalor. They let him live in squalor despite everything he'd done. And yeah, Xander had been big with the squalor-acceptance back when Spike had actually been evil--offering to help the Buffyified Faith and backing Adam... those were evil. Xander sighed. He should be happy that Spike wasn't actually living in the crypt, but it really bothered him that it didn't bother his friends.

"Xander?" a voice called. Xander looked up and Giles was giving him that teacherly 'would you like to join the rest of the class' look.


"Which book would you like?" he asked with a sigh, and from the tone, Xander was guessing Giles had asked him that before.

"Um, the little one?" Xander suggested.

"The little one is in Latin, Giles just said that." Willow looked at him disapprovingly as she got up and took the books from Giles and delivered a fat brown one to Xander's lap. Yeah, well she wasn't the one trying to keep up with a full-time job and a full-time vampire. Xander opened the book and realized that he didn't know what he was looking for.

"Um, guys?" he started. Giles sighed and took off his glasses for cleaning before Xander even had a chance to ask him to repeat everything he'd just told them about the demon.


"Appreciate you coming out and fixing me up here," Spike said from the shadows where he watched Xander work. The dappled sun through the trees kept him away from Xander, which was good because he'd already discovered that him plus manual labor plus no sun usually equaled Spike tackling him to the ground and then nailing him into the ground.

"Hey, I live to serve," Xander joked, "but this would be a lot with the easier if we just told them about us. We wouldn't have to do this if the others knew you weren't living here," Xander pointed out with a grunt as he threw another shovelful of dirt in the hole. Spike's electricity had been cut off by a mortuary owner with a pair of garden shears and Xander was almost sorry the SOB hadn't electrocuted himself… not that he wanted a live person to get dead, but having to dig out the trunk line and illegally splice it wasn't exactly easy… or safe… or particularly clean. He used the side of the shovel to spread out the last of the dirt and sort of pack it back in place. Hopefully the weeds would grow really fast and hide the orange cord now spouting from the ground.

"Not like I don't want them to know. Have a fantasy about having you all curled on my lap in the middle of one of those bloody boring meetings," Spike said from the safety of the crypt's doorway. "But until you lot manage to lose a little of that inconvenient humanity, I figure it's more important to not get dusted."

"Hey, so not okay with the references to losing humanity," Xander said as he stood in the sun just out of Spike's reach. Every once in a while Spike said something like that, something that set the little hairs on his arms to standing up.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Don't want ta turn you, ya loon. I turn you and you'll stop being all warm and I don't bloody want to deal with some headstrong childe who'll probably try to stake me within a decade."

"You think I'd kill you?" Okay, Xander really didn't know what to think of that, especially since they were talking about what his potentially undead body might hypothetically do, which was high on the creep-meter.

"I said you'd try, I never said you'd succeed," Spike pointed out with an offended snort. "The way those bints never give you the respect you earn, the way they let you hand over half your pay without even a by-your-leave… wouldn't make for the most stable of childer."

"Wait, you're dissing my never-going-to-happen future vampire-me?" Xander asked as he propped the shovel against the side of the crypt and headed into the shadow. Spike caught him by the belt and yanked him in so fast that Xander made a manly eeping sound.

"That's what drove Peaches to be such a wanker before the soul. Never got respect, so when he went and caught Darla's eye, the demon just had to prove himself. But with demons, proving yourself is more about how many people's intestines you can pull out in one night. I figure if you get turned, between the fact that you already have a fairly devious mind and the fact that ya never do get the respect you deserve, you'd be a bloody wanker up there on the level of Angelus." Spike hands were up his shirt, running over sun and work-warmed shoulders as he pushed the shirt up. Xander helped out by grabbing the bottom and pulling it off altogether.

"Okay, disturbing much?" Xander asked with an eww face as he tossed the shirt to the side. Spike was pulling him back farther into the crypt, toward the trapdoor with the recently installed bed in the basement.

"Ya see why I'm not even going to consider that, right? I like my boy hot and willing under my hands, not out trying to open the sodding hellmouth to make a bloody point. Git." Xander was assuming the 'git' part was for Angel, not him, but with Spike's hands opening his pants, Xander really couldn't bring himself to care much.

"Right, so no vamping for the Xan-man," Xander agreed, but by then, Xander was fairly sure he'd agree to anything. Spike gave him a wicked smile and then let go and simply dropped to the lower level, leaving Xander with his pants open and his shirt off and his cock obscenely hanging out in the empty crypt.

"You comin'?" Spike called from below, and Xander took a deep breath to get his body back under control before he went crashing down the ladder and broke something important, like his head. At the bottom of the ladder, Xander turned and found a very beautiful and very naked Spike stretched across the bed. He'd never thought of a man as beautiful before, but Spike was. Xander pushed his pants down as he walked across the room, figuring out half way there that his work boots didn't let him get them off.

"Nevermind, pet, I like the look of you hobbled. Might have to tie those hands of yours later and have you truly at my mercy," Spike said with a smile when Xander cursed his own stupidity. "I suppose that means you'd better do something to put me in a good mood."

Spike just lay on the bed, his hard cock already looking moist, and Xander smiled as he crawled up onto the bed between Spike's legs and started working on giving Spike all kinds of reasons for being in a good mood. When Spike started making those happy growl-grunt sounds, Xander took a deep breath and slid down until the head of Spike's cock pushed just into his throat and swallowed. Spike bucked, and Xander knew the vamp wanted to come; he just liked to torture himself by holding back. Well, that worked out because Xander really, really liked torturing him with really, really good sex until he couldn't hold back.

Xander distantly heard a thump, but he ignored it as he focused on Spike's rising lust, the trembling in his thighs and the taste of precum in Xander's mouth.

"Hey, I got off earl—"

Xander jerked his head up and almost swallowed his own tongue. Oh fuck. Shit and fuck. They were so with the caught—that was his first thought. His second thought included confusion because Buffy's face looked like someone had just ripped Mr. Gordo's stuffing out. The pieces didn't make a whole lot of sense until the third thought hit, the thought that Buffy was wearing a date outfit: a leather miniskirt that would make men crawl over glass and a tight top and make-up. Buffy only did make-up for the serious date nights, and oh god, she was in Spike's crypt—his hidden no one knows about basement to his crypt—dressed for serious dating.

Her eyes brightened with tears and then hardened with anger before Xander could even form a single syllable. In fact, his brain was still processing thought number three when Spike was out of the bed, standing between them.

"Now, luv," Spike started, his voice low and soothing.

"You—" Buffy made a squinchy face.

"You know the boy can't give me what you can, and it's not like we exchanged promise rings here."

"I thought I was—" Buffy stopped, and Xander finally realized he was still mostly naked, so he pulled the sheet up over himself. Buffy's voice trembled. "You told me I—"

"Told you you were my queen, and you are luv. What Xander and I have is different."

Buffy didn't answer. She turned and climbed up the ladder slowly, like an old woman. "Now luv," Spike called after her, but she didn't answer. Spike turned back around, and Xander thought he might be sick right there on Spike's bed. Oh god. He couldn't give Spike what Buffy could. Of course he couldn't. Fuck.

Xander reached down and started pulling his pants up as fast as he could, getting the sheets caught in the zipper for his troubles. At least he wasn't hard anymore. Yep, finding out he wasn't good enough again, that pretty much finished that need. His cock might never work again. Spike stepped forward and rested his hand on Xander's hair, and Xander jerked his head away, scrambling to the other side of the bed where he struggled to separate sheets from pants.

"Now, pet, don't go getting like that."

"Like that? Spike…" Xander stopped, he couldn't say anything else.

"Bloody hell, you know I love what we have. Don't go getting all bollocked up in that head of yours," Spike snapped.

"Bollocked up?" Xander echoed. "This is already bollocked up. Oh shit. She's going to tell Willow. What am I supposed to say to Willow?"

"Say that ya like what we do in bed," Spike said, that silky, predator voice back as he circled the bed. Oh yeah, Xander was so going to be sick.

"Problem Spike," Xander said firmly. "I don't. Not anymore. Not ever again. You come anywhere near me, and I will stake you, and with that chip, you won't be able to do anything except stand there when I drive the wood into your heart and turn you into dust that I'll walk on." Xander ignored the stunned expression on Spike's face as he turned to the ladder and started climbing. Every step felt like he was trying to carry a fifty pound bag as he climbed up and out and walked out of the crypt into the fading russet light.

"Pet!" Spike called from inside, and Xander walked away, his heart aching and his stomach churning as he wondered what was wrong with him. Maybe it was just in his nature to get used. Maybe he did something that made it impossible for anyone to ever to love him without hurting him. Maybe he just couldn't bring himself to care anymore. His mind blank, he stood in the middle of the street, his heart so broken he couldn't even cry.



Sorry for the unhappy ending. Feel free to imagine a future world where someone explains vampire psychology to Xander and/or Buffy and human psychology to Spike.

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