Parts 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, and 23 of Kin of the Heart
Rated SAFE

The Best Laid Plans

Xander opened the door and flinched as he caught sight of the very not ready-for-company apartment. And why Cordelia insisted on coming here was really beyond him, but she wanted to hang out and watch television instead of going to the mall, so television and hanging was what they were doing. The door stopped when it hit the pile of clothes ready to go to the laundry, and Xander shoved harder.

When Cordelia stopped in the doorway, Xander hurried to grab clothes and books, a stray towel and a dozen pairs of shoes, a slimy knife and his skateboard and fling it all toward his room. Everything but the skateboard made it. That bounced off the doorjam and clattered to the floor.

"I suppose you're just starting early on that whole frat house phase," she said with a sigh as she picked her way around the kitchen table which was currently buried under maps of the sewers. Since those were Spike and Angel's things Xander elected to not touch them, not after how cranky Angel got over one little soda can stain on a blueprint a week back.

"This is not all my fault," Xander defended himself as he grabbed the skateboard and threw it at his bedroom again.

"Someone broke in and messed your apartment up?" Cordy asked as she carefully moved soda cans over to the far side of the coffee table.

"It's a new kind of demon. I'll tell Giles we need to research," Xander offered with a goofy grin. The look of dismay and disgust on Cordelia's face slowly faded into something Angel called 'indulgent,' which pretty much meant he was forgiven for his many shortcomings.

Xander came over and carefully sat next to Cordy. He kept just enough space between them to not touch and then promptly started praying for a little scooch action on her part because he was so ready for a little naughty touching. Buffy had gotten some, and while it had not done great things for her reputation at school, at least she didn't have to sneak into Spike's porn to try and imagine just how tab A fit into slot B. Of course, with Spike, tab A and tab A did as much fitting as slot B. And for someone who got that much girl sex to still be half gay was so totally not fair. The gay guys should go off and be gay and give the rest of them an even shot at getting some girls.

Xander held his breath as Cordelia shifted just enough for their thighs to press together. All he had to do was ignore it until she chose to let him reach a base. Ignore. He could ignore. Xander clenched his fists.

"Are you going to stick around this weekend?" Cordelia asked as she took the remote and started flipping through channels. He didn't have cable, so there weren't all that many stations. Cordy, though, just cycled the same six shows.

"I think so."

"You're spending a lot of time on therapy."

"Lots of screw loosage up here, you know," Xander joked. "And my therapist says that my humor and powers of verbal distraction might not be actually appropriate in all situations, so that might not have been the right thing to say. But then my therapist also believes in chakras and energy, and not the kind from a light switch, so I'm not really sure I'm believing her."

Cordy reached over and patted him on the leg. "Believe her," she advised him. "So, are you and Angel still struggling with the weird?"

"Um... we're better," Xander said. He wasn't sure what there was to say. Yeah, he totally understood that Angel was not Angelus, and after spending a night with Angelus, there would be no mistaking the two. However, the little prey part of Xander's brain still sometimes got startled when Angel put a hand on Xander's shoulder too quickly or when he reached out to grab him and yank him back from potential snackage on the fangs of some random vamp. His therapist said he had to give himself permission for the weird, but Xander would rather give himself permission to get over it.

Spike was the real deal vampire-wise. He was the one who snacked on Happy Meals as he so diplomatically called people. And yeah, he had gone to bagged some days and the suck houses others, but Xander pretty much knew that Spike was still doing some eating of the population. Yet, even with the eating of people, Spike weirded him out less than Angel. That even made the therapist do the eyebrow wiggle at him... like he needed another adult telling him he had screw loosage.

Lorne was about the only one who didn't make Xander feel like some part of his brain might come rattling loose and randomly fall out onto the floor. When your best friends in the world and your girlfriend and the guy who bought you couldn't make you feel better, but a green guy who worshipped at the altar of Barry Manilow did... yeah, that wasn't good.

Xander blinked as he realized he had sort of lost track there for a second and Cordelia was giving him one of her half-frowns. "What?" he asked as he instinctively checked his face for random bits of food or goo. Nothing.

"So, is the therapist still strange?" Cordelia asked after several long seconds of just staring at him.

"Is turning blue at random moments strange?"

"Usually, yes."

"Then you can put a ticky mark in the strange column for her. So, what gave you the sudden urge to check out Chez Harris tonight?" Xander asked. He swallowed as Cordelia's hand moved slowly from his knee up his thigh. Okay, so he was totally shallow, but Cordelia plus apartment did seem to imply promises of bases hereto unreached by him. Although with the mess in his bedroom, he wasn't even going to hope for a home run.

"We always do the mall," she shrugged.

"Because you always like shopping."

"I am so bored with that phase. There is more to life than shopping."

For a half second, Xander actually panicked. This woman in his house looked like Cordelia and sounded like Cordelia, but that was so not a Cordelia thing to say. Not even close.

"Besides, Harmony is trolling the mall for a prom dress, and I am not going to be seen anywhere she is. You know, if she wouldn't always be trying to suck up to all the cheerleaders, we would be a much better squad, and she just does not want to hear my honesty."

Ah, that explained it. Harmony had been playing the nice co-captain lately leaving Cordy to play the evil, practice-setting, screaming, bitchy co-captain. All was not well in the land of pom-poms. Actually, Xander had seen National Geographic specials with gazelles and cheetahs that had more love for each other than the cheer squad felt these days. If the cheer squad ever got vamped, no one was making it out alive, that's for sure. "No mall, got it," Xander agreed.

Cordelia nodded, but what Xander was really noticing was the hand slowly sliding north. Oh god. Yes, yes, he had potential baseage. There was definitely potential baseage. When Cordy tossed the remote onto the coffee table, Xander could barely hold back a shout of triumph. Blood rushed through Xander's head so fast that he imagined he could hear the beat of his own heart pounding against the inside of his skull as her fingers teased their way closer and closer to his aching cock.

With a knowing smile, Cordelia leaned in and Xander tilted his head so he could kiss her. Her lips were soft and warm and slick and his cock hurt so bad that Xander was pretty sure he was running the risk of breaking it.

"Right then, you got any good nibbles?" Spike demanded as he flung the door open so that it hit the wall behind, and Xander suddenly remembered why he kept his dirty laundry behind the door. From the crunching sound, Xander was guessing he was going to be practicing his newly-found skills of drywall repair.

Xander groaned and let his head fall back onto the sofa as he turned his head just enough to glare at the vamp. "Hi, Spike.... Yes, good to see you, too.... No, this really isn't a good time right now.... That's okay--you have a good day as you don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."

Spike was digging through the kitchen cupboards already, but he took a second to peer at Xander through the kitchen pass-through, and that expression clearly implied that Spike thought Xander had just totally lost his mind.

"Are you supposed to be able to get in here?" Cordelia demanded.

"Wot? Am I scaring you too much?" Spike asked with a smirk before he slammed another cupboard door. Xander and his handy book on home repairs were going to be looking up hinge repair if Spike wasn't careful... and Spike was pretty much never careful.

"As if," Cordelia sniffed, her fingers shifting a half millimeter closer to Xander's crotch. Xander froze. This was starting to feel like one of his really naughty dreams... one that made him wash his sheets before Angel could come over and do the tragic look while sniffing the air. Only in his dreams, it was usually Seven of Nine who walked in on Cordelia making with the naughty touching. And then she would raise the non-Borgy eyebrow and offer to join in. Spike was definitely not on his list of naughty dream approved participants because he had made it entirely too clear which end of the penis Xander would be playing if they were ever in bed together.

"Faith keeps giving him invites, and I so do not even want to know why Spike and Faith feel the need to be in *my* apartment," Xander said with a sigh as he glared at Spike. Spike looked up and waggled his eyebrows provocatively. Provocative... a word Xander definitely didn't know until he had lived next to Spike and Faith. Or Faith anyway. Spike just sort of slept wherever he landed. It was kinda freaky to wake up and find a hung-over vampire asleep on the other half of your bed, and Spike's whole explanation about Faith kicking him out because of his snoring had just been odd. Of course, with Xander's life, odd was normal. His therapist turned blue, her secretary had spikes, his best friend was not talking to him and had apparently started sleeping with her werewolf, and his neighbors were a vampire and a slayer. Yep, he had left weird about eight exits and two states back.

"So, Ducks," Spike said as he stole a bag of chips and then came over to drop on the couch beside Cordelia, "what are you doing here?"

"My parents are being..." Cordelia waved a hand as if parental weirdness was beneath her. Unfortunately it was the hand that had been on Xander's leg. Xander's leg was now handless... and unhappy. Xander glared at Spike for ruining a perfectly good shot at making third base.

"How's the new Watcher?" Spike asked as he casually stretched and then gave Cordelia a leer as he managed to 'accidentally' run his hand over her thigh. The first time Xander had tried that, he had gotten a whole speech on power and empowerment and permission. Yep, his hands stayed off the body without a specific invitation, but rather than lecture Spike, Cordelia just gave him one of her patented ice glares.

"Hey, sitting here," Xander protested. "And even if I weren't, that is touching without permission, pal." Xander gave Spike his best stern look, which wasn't actually all that stern if the swim team was to be believed.

Spike looked at him with amusement for a second. "Maybe I should come over and feel you up instead," he finally offered as he pulled a chip out and somehow managed to make crunching a chip look sexy.

Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest, and the sight of her chest all pushed up short-circuited his desire to complain about Spike's weirdness. So instead, Cordelia took up defending him. "Give it up. Do you see how he's watching me? That's called straight just in case you can't recognize it anymore."

"I don't mind looking myself," Spike pointed out as he made a production out of checking out her breasts. Cordelia didn't even flinch, and the bit where she pushed them up a bit more might have been an accident. "Of course, I could still give the boy a better tumble in bed than you could, but I'm flexible enough to handle two virgins at once," Spike offered.

Xander could feel his face heat up so much that setting the couch on fire was a very real possibility, but Cordelia had on her full ice-queen persona.

"Oh please. Trust me, Xander has no interest in you tumbling him anywhere. His interest is all here." And that was definitely intentional pushing up of the oh-so-lovely Cordelia cleavage. Xander could see whole new continents of cleavage right now, and Spike was definitely between him and the promised land. "In fact," Cordelia went on, "he's going to buy my prom dress for me this year, aren't you?" she asked as turned to Xander.

For a second, Xander couldn't get his eyes or his brain off the cleavage. Cleavage of Cordelia. Round, firm curving breasts vanishing beneath a red top. Cordelia sighed, and Spike laughed loudly. "Aren't I what?" Xander asked as he suddenly broke out of the trance and realized Cordy had actually been talking to him.

"Just agree, mate," Spike suggested with a belly laugh, "whenever birds get that look in their eye, it's just a whole lot faster if you bloody cave in all at once." Spike paused as a thoughtful expression interrupted the leer he'd worn pretty much since walking in to find Xander and Cordy on the couch. "Then again, you aren't getting any, so if ya refuse to buy her dress, there isn't much she can actually do."

"Oh... yes there is," Cordelia said in a tone of voice that made Xander flinch.

"And I'm agreeing with whatever you just said, hon," Xander hurried to say, "only can you say it again now that I'm actually listening?"

Cordelia sighed and looked at him like he was one of those lost puppies you see on the street that's all cuteness and lice and you aren't really sure if you're supposed to pick it up and love it or take it for a good dip in toxic chemicals. And really, that was so not fair because in the face of girlfriend boobage, his brain was pretty much guaranteed to never work. His membership in adolescence allowed for short circuiting of brain through boobage.

"Bloody hell, just turn gay now and save yourself the trouble, pet," Spike said as he propped a boot up on Xander's coffee table. A half dozen empty cans of soda fell off with a great rattle and Cordelia gave an even more aggrieved sigh.

Again with the not his fault. Cordelia never wanted to come here, so he was not on notice about having to keep the place clean. Truthfully, he only cleaned often enough to avoid major Angel weirdness. Angel's attempts to help him clean with the apartment led to some pretty embarrassing discussions of things that he had truly never meant for anyone to find. A teenage boy had a right to a little therapist-approved experimentation. And if that made Angel blush, that was Angel's issue and Xander did not have to deal with Angel's issues. He just had to deal with his own.

"If I'm keepin' score right, I think you're down for buyin' some bloody expensive dress and cleaning up the pig sty," Spike offered oh-so-helpfully with a smirk.

"I'm buying a dress?" Xander asked, somehow having missed that part of the conversation.

"For me, you idiot," Cordelia said as she leaned back and focused intensely on the television. Okay, he had majorly just missed something or screwed something up or something.

"Oh," Xander managed to say.

For long minutes, they watched the silly, silly antics of people who were way too old to all be living together and acting like they were still in high school. Spike crunched his chips, Cordelia crossed her legs and started her one foot to bobbing faster and faster, and Xander wondered why he was buying a dress.

Cordelia's foot stilled. "Are you planning on staying all night?" she demanded as she glared at Spike.

"Yep," Spike agreed cheerfully.

"You could go get a life of your own."

"Oh, I have one, pet. Right now, it involves the telly and my crisps." Spike held up a chip and popped it in his mouth before sucking the salt from his fingers in a porn-worth performance. Cordelia narrowed her eyes.

Girding his figurative loins, Xander waded in. "Is this more Angel weirdness, like with the vegetables? Because if he thinks we need a chaperone, you are so not qualified. I've seen what you and Faith do, and in some cases I've seen stuff that has made my therapist's eyebrow do the twitchy, so you are so totally unqualified for any supervisory pseudo-adult role," Xander pointed out quickly.

"Bloody hell, Faith's a slayer. She's got a shelf-life and the clock's tickin', so she doesn't exactly have time to play at being a nun, not if she wants to get her living in," Spike said, and that actually sounded like his annoyed voice. "And if you think I'd ever agree to chaperone, I've shoved your head into tombstones too often in training. Now, if you're looking for an audience, I'd be happy to indulge any exhibitionist kink you two might want to explore." Spike popped another chip in his mouth and did the sexy crunching thing.

"Just when you think the littlest vamp can't get any more creepy," Cordelia sighed as she reached over to steal a chip from Spike's bag.

"Oi!"

"The truth hurts nearly as much as that overdone bleach job of yours must," she pointed out without a bit of sympathy. Spike growled.

"It's a bloody statement."

"About your lack of money for a good hairdresser." Cordelia shrugged. "Angel may be depressed and annoying and cursed, but at least he knows how to dress. And I suppose he does always have you around to annoy him out of perfect happiness. I know I find you very annoying," she said as she smiled sweetly at Spike. He was making a low growl deep in his throat, and Xander's balls were thinking about applying for positions as internal organs.

"Curses… now that's a good topic. Anyone hear any good curses lately?" Xander asked with a nervous giggle.

"Amy ratted herself again," Cordelia offered. "Or she tried to rat some member of that coven in England and they reflected it back at her or something, I wasn't exactly listening since it was Willow telling the story."

"Turnin' some bint into a rat, now that's a curse I could get behind," Spike said as he pursed his lips and gave Cordelia a withering looking.

"It does seem more curselike than a soul," Xander hurried to agree. At this point he'd pretty much agree with anything if it kept these two from killing each other, and why did he keep hanging out with people who could figuratively or literally eviscerate him? His therapist was right… he needed therapy.

Spike smiled nastily. "Who the fuck gives a soul as a curse... boils or bad hair or leprosy I understand, but a soul? It's bloody unnatural... like giving Cordelia here a soul or somethin'."

Cordelia stared at Spike blankly for a second. "You actually think that was funny don't you?"

"Yeah, ducks, I really do," Spike answered with a smug expression.

"So, hey, kill any good monsters lately?" Xander quickly changed the subject, even if he was a good seventy percent sure that Spike wouldn't eat her. Spike raised an eyebrow at him just long enough to let Xander know that he was allowing the subject change and was not even a little bit fooled by Xander's pathetic attempts at manipulation.

"A few vamps." Spike cracked his neck first one direction and then the other, and the casual ease that allowed Xander to forget Spike was a monster fell away leaving a dangerous and lithe and obviously annoyed creature from hell sitting on the end of his couch. "Bloody things are dusting before they'll admit to whatever is creepin' around the sewers," Spike snarled, and Xander mentally kicked himself good and hard. The only thing guaranteed to put Spike in a bad mood lately was discussion of the latest big and bad who wasn't big and bad as much as annoying and invisible. Spike stared at both of them. "And I'm still wonderin' what you think of the new watcher."

"Wesley?" Cordelia asked with a frown.

"I don't bloody care if his name is Felicity Fuck. What's he like?" Spike went into gameface, and Xander noticed that he wasn't the only one who did a deer in the headlights impression… and it wasn't that easy to deerify Cordelia. For a horrible minute, time was frozen, and then Spike burst up from the couch and threw the bag of chips at the coffee table, which created way more mess than Xander had started with.

"Angel won't even let me fucking back her up with that git around, too fucking worried about me causing a problem, so I want to know if he's as bad as what she says." Spike pulled out a cigarette and lit it, totally ignoring the no smoking around human lungs rule.

"Um, he's…" Xander struggled for a word to finish that.

"British," Cordelia offered. She inched closer to him, but Xander somehow didn't think she had bases on her mind.

"I'm fucking British," Spike pointed out as he started pacing. Xander could almost see the urge to kick something or someone coiling in Spike's body.

"He's not your kind of British. He's more tea and crumpets than Monty Python and evisceration humor," Xander struggled to explain, and Cordelia's hand found his thigh again, only this time she clutched him hard enough to let him know that she was freaked and expecting him to do something about the crazy, cranky vampire in the middle of the living room.

"Is he a total nob?" Spike demanded. He stopped near the kitchen pass through and leaned against the wall, but the tension was still there.

"Um, a bit," Xander admitted. "He's the kind of guy who worries about wrinkles in his suit and brags about being head boy, so he's not really much for… well, for being normal."

"He's not that bad… he's just a little prim, which a little primness in a man is not a bad thing," Cordelia said as she cast a look around at Xander's apartment before pinning him with a rather disgusted expression.

"You two are not being helpful," Spike snarled, and Xander suddenly found whole new depths in his desire to be helpful. They had just crossed over into the land of Spike's demony self. "Is he just a nancy boy or is he an incompetent prat of a nancy boy?" Spike demanded.

Cordelia frowned and then shifted around so she could face Spike without having to peer around Xander. "You're worried about Faith," she accused him. And really, that shouldn't be an accusation, but her tone of voice was way with the accusy.

It was funny, but Angel said that Faith and Spike weren't dangerous like him and Buffy because Faith would never tear herself up over Spike. Spike was a fuck, someone to have fun with, not someone to build her life around and use as the centerpiece for major moral dilemmas. Yep, when Spike and Faith had first gone from fighting to that weird 'we're fighting but we're getting really hot from it' fighting, Xander had been completely weirded out and worried about Faith. Now, looking at the frown on Spike's face and way he was practically vibrating with emotion, Xander realized that maybe he should have been worried about Spike. Spike took a second to smoke before he answered, and now his voice was much calmer.

"I just don't like the idea that the watchers may have sent the most inept git on the fucking payroll just to get rid of these two and start over with a nice biddable girl like Kendra. I should fucking point out to them that their nice biddable girls end up snack food."

Kendra's name caught Xander like a slap across the face. He flinched from that truth, his guilt seeping around the edges of the newly installed self-esteem he and his therapist had been working on.

"You think they're trying to pull another Buffy, only this time get them both killed?" Cordelia demanded as she sat up straight.

"Not like they haven't tried once with Slutty."

"Spike, seriously, stop," Xander growled, happy to have any excuse to push unhappy thoughts out of his mind and focus on Spike's more annoying habits. Processing and accepting could come later; right now, he was going for the good old familiar repression and redirection and complaining. Spike's name-calling was a good place to start. If Buffy slept with Percy West, he so did not need to know that. Of course, at this point pretty much everyone at school knew that, but he would be happy with much less knowing. He would be really, really happy with Spike not poking the Buffy pain around him.

"So, what are you saying? They send someone stupid and just hope Buffy and Faith simultaneously drop dead from demon attacks? Those two aren't going to just stand still and let someone kill them, even if Wesley is an idiot." Cordelia-logic actually went a long way toward making Xander feel better.

"If he gives them bad intel, they could go walking into some fucking trap," Spike snarled, the anger immediately revved back up to nearly full volume. Yep, Spike was in full-out demon mode.

"As plans go, that sucks." Cordelia said with a frown.

"Never claimed the watchers were bright. They're right up there with the bloody gypsies and their curses in my book," Spike snorted. "But if this moron thinks he's going to get my girl killed, I'm going to rip his bollocks off and shove 'em down his throat." Spike reached through the kitchen pass through and ground his cigarette on the edge of the sink before just dropping into the mess of dishes precariously stacked up.

"And again with the crazy vampire exaggerations," Xander tried joking with a weak laugh and Spike gave him a look that made it really pretty clear that he was not exaggerating or metaphoring or anything else that didn't mean absolutely serious.

"Bloody bog-trotting mick tells me I have to back off and not start a confrontation." Spike stretched his hands and it was really pretty clear that he desperately wanted to put a fist through a wall, but Angel had been hugely cranky last time Spike did that. "If that git doesn't give my girl back up, if Slutty doesn't watch her back…"

"You know…" Xander started, pointing out that Buffy's sex life was nowhere near the levels of slutitude that Faith had achieved, but the yellow-eyed glare that focused on him pretty much made his words dry up. He started again. "You know, Buffy is not going to just let Faith get killed."

"Unless that great nit of a watcher sends her off somewhere. The girl doesn't think for herself, not like my Faith does."

"You mean she doesn't tell everyone else to screw themselves while she looks out for herself?" Cordelia asked with a sweetness that hid mighty powers of emasculation.

"Exactly," Spike agreed, not even seeming to notice that Cordelia was being uncomplimenty.

Cordy just stared at Spike blankly for a second. "As much fun as it is watching you flail in impotency, I'm going home."

Xander jumped at the volume of the growl from Spike, but Cordelia just got up and headed for the door. "Hey, I'll just play escort," he offered as he jumped up to follow.

"No, you won't," she told him in a voice that sounded pretty pre-dating Cordelia in its sheer volume of coldness. Xander froze. Okay, he was officially clueless about what he'd done to piss her off, but he had obviously done something, and a big something. Before he could rally with some sort of witty response that would inspire forgiveness, she was out the door.

"Bloody hell, she's got some bloody fucking nerve," Spike snapped as he picked up a dirty glass and flung it at the door that Cordelia had just closed. The glass shattered and tinkled onto the tile in the little entry. Well, there went his night.

The door came open. "Is everything alright?" Angel asked. He frowned and looked down when his boots crunched the glass.

"Peachy," Xander said, still not entirely sure what had just happened.

"I'm goin' out," Spike said as he stormed toward the door.

"Spike, you need to back off. Don't make Faith pick between her duty and you," Angel warned. Spike crossed his arms.

"Fucking hell, Peaches, I'm going to make sure Xander's bint gets home, so get the fuck out of my way," Spike snarled, and Xander started edging backwards toward his bedroom. Yep, he really, really needed to stop hanging out with so many scary people. For a second, Angel held his ground, and Xander really thought they were going to have a big smack-down right there. Then Angel shook his head and stepped to the side.

"Be careful," he offered as Spike stormed past. Spike didn't even bother answering that before he was just gone.

Xander leaned back against the wall and considered the mess left in the wake of one seriously screwed up night. His bed was buried under all the shit that was normally covering his living room floor, his living room floor was sprinkled with chips and broken glass, and his television was still laughing stupidly as Joey Tribbiani did something idiotic. His night had totally not gone according to plan.

"Xander, are you alright?" Angel asked as he looked around at the disaster.

"Don't say it," Xander warned.

"I didn't say anything." Angel got his offended look going.

"You're going to comment about my housekeeping and how hard it is to tell if Spike has been rampaging or not what with all the mess. Seriously... do not go there." Xander pointed his finger at Angel before he headed for the kitchen and the dust buster.

"I wasn't," Angel protested in that tone of voice that suggested that he had totally been on the verge of parental type lecturing. Hell, with his own father now firmly living inside a bottle, Angel seemed to be trying to make Father of the Year, which was vaguely creepy because Angel was so not his father.

"Just see that you don't." Xander grabbed the dust buster off the charger and headed for the broken glass. "And I totally do not understand what just happened with Cordelia. There was a definite lack of me doing anything stupid, and yet, I seem to be in the doghouse of stupid," Xander complained. Angel carefully brushed off the bottoms of his boot with the cuff of his shirt before stepping clear of the broken glass.

"Women are like that," Angel agreed.

"I'm starting to think that gay is not so stupid." Xander poked his dust buster toward the mess, listening as the glass tinkled against the plastic. "Stupid women with stupid rules about what does and doesn't make them mad, and if they would just say what they were thinking, life would be way with the easier." Getting carefully on his knees, Xander shoved the little machine at a trail of glass hard enough to break a larger shard before the suction sucked it right up.

"It would," Angel agreed. "Cordelia hasn't given you any hints?"

"Oh, I'm sure she's given me lots of hints, but none that I actually understand." Xander turned the dust buster off and looked over at Angel. "Do women ever get any easier?"

"No."

Xander sat back on his heels and looked up at Angel in dismay. "Okay, you were supposed to do the reassuring thing there."

"Me lying willna change much when it comes to women," Angel said softly, and from the baroque, he was lost in his own long past of unhappy women. Angel shook his head quickly. "I think that's why Spike likes Faith... no strings or confusing rules. She says whatever she's thinking, whether you want her to or not."

"Which is normally exactly what Cordelia does," Xander pointed out as he headed for the kitchen to empty the canister only to find his garbage can full to overflowing. "Fuck."

"Xander?"

He looked up and Angel was standing in the kitchen doorway looking around.

"Do not say it," Xander warned. Okay, he was man enough to admit that the pig sty look was starting to get old. Aggravated at Spike, at Cordelia, at himself and generally the whole world, Xander grabbed his garbage can and headed for the dumpster with Angel trailing behind. Crossing the tile, Xander could still hear the quiet screech of glass against tile so obviously he was not done with the cleaning tonight if he wanted to avoid cut up feet in the morning. He was actually proud of Angel for following him through the hall and up the stairs without saying anything.

The dumpster smelled particularly disgusting and Angel held the lid open while he dumped the bin. "Relationships are just always complicated aren't they?" Xander asked as he stared at the alley behind their apartment building. Percy West had screwed with Buffy's head, Spike was obviously all screwed around backwards because of Faith, and Xander was starting to wonder if he had any blame that was the weirdness of Cordelia and Willow. Oh, who was he kidding? It was probably all his fault that Cordelia and Willow both had the unhappy going with him, but his boy-brain was not capable of wrapping itself around girl-logic.

"They are," Angel agreed softly. "And if they aren't complicated, I don't think they're real."

"Then we know a lot of people with very real relationships," Xander said unhappily. Angel rested his hand on Xander's shoulder.

"I know."

"I look around, and I’m wondering how the relationship thing is supposed to work. I mean, seriously, the only long-term relationship I see working is my parents, and Angel, divorce would be so much kinder than what they're doing to each other." Xander clutched his garbage can in the back alley of his apartment and suddenly, he felt himself pulled close and folded into an awkward hug with the plastic bin crushed between him and Angel.

"You'll make it work. You're not to blame for any of this," Angel whispered, and Xander could feel his eyes get hot. He was just so tired of trying to patch everyone back together. Play nice with Willow, don't make eye contact with Oz, figure out why he'd hacked off Cordelia, don't step on any of Spike's buttons, try to make nice faces at the parentals. Xander shoved the bin out of the way and let himself collapse into complete and utter wussiness as he clung to Angel.

"Oh, I probably am to blame for some, but I sure don't know which part," Xander said with a humorless laugh.

"Everyone has their own issues, isn't that what Dr. Hahn said?" Angel asked as large fingers stroked Xander's hair. He was losing man-points like mad here.

"Yep, and we can only deal with our own issues," Xander said firmly as he pushed against Angel's chest. Angel let him go, and Xander quickly wiped his face and grabbed his garbage bin. "So, if Spike is doing the freaky over Faith or Wesley or the phases of the moon, that's not in my control," Xander said firmly. "And if Cordelia is being big with the bitchy, that's not in my control either." That part didn't feel quite as firm or as honest. He knew Cordelia well enough to know that she wasn't the ice queen the others thought she was which did imply he'd fucked up good to inspire the return of the cold front.

"You can only deal with your issues... like your lack of hygiene," Angel offered, and Xander opened his mouth to really rip into Angel about not kicking a man when he was already down, but then he caught the look on Angel's face.

"Was that a joke?"

"Yes," Angel said with a slight widening of an expression that might actually be a smile. "Although you do have hygiene issues," he added, and the smile totally went away.

"That's just sad," Xander said, shaking his head as they headed back into the apartment building. "We need to rent Revenge of the Nerds and have another lesson in humor, don't we?"

"Only if you want to be washing Rojel goo out of every orifice in your body," Angel threatened him right back, his hand resting on Xander's back as they headed for the apartment. Yeah, Xander might have fucked up something with Cordelia tonight, but at least he had one relationship that he understood.

"You let me take a faceful of Rojel again, and I am so putting hair remover in your shampoo."

"That would require you to recognize a shampoo bottle, and you are not generally acquainted with cleaning products."

"Funny, very funny. Keep it up and we're going to be in for a whole marathon of nerddom." Xander smiled when Angel grabbed him and gave him a nuggie. One of these days Angel would figure out that a nuggie was supposed to do more than just mess up the hair, but not today. Xander retaliated with a punch to Angel's side, and suddenly he was upside down as Angel caught him around the waist and flipped him. He screamed. Angel just laughed and grabbed the bin Xander had dropped. The only thing worse than being upside down with your legs helplessly flailing was having the other person hold you that way with one arm.

"We need to have a little conversation about movie rentals," Angel said seriously, but even upside down, Xander could see Angel's smile. Giving Xander an extra bounce-shake, Angel headed for Xander's apartment.

The World Turns

Angel's reading was interrupted by Xander throwing open the door and heading straight for the kitchen. One day, he would teach the boy to shop for his own groceries, but it obviously would not be any day soon. Slipping a bookmark between the pages, Angel closed his book and set it on the floor next to his chair. He needed a new end table and a new rule about play-fighting in the house.

Xander came back out of the kitchen without any food.

"How was patrol?" Angel asked. He'd wanted to follow; however, the demons wandering the Hellmouth were weak but numerous. They'd needed to split up, and Xander had asked to go with Faith while Angel had taken the Westview cemetery and Spike had gone ripping through Willy's bar. Angel had cleaned out a number of scavengers who had taken up in the crypts. Normally they stayed in the sewers, but on top of the mayor and his little schemes, something seemed to be moving around under the university campus. Considering that the town had been largely quiet for two years now, they seemed to be making up for it now.

He was just glad he had the Gem of Amara safely tucked away. The fear of having it stolen had concerned him so much that after he had conned Xander's parents out of custody, he had toyed with the idea of destroying it. In the end, he just couldn't destroy such a powerful weapon, especially when it was still safely hidden and most demons considered it a myth. No one could steal it. No one except Spike, of course, but after stealing the ring, his big outing in the sun had included a road trip to hear a band that had named itself after lard. There weren't even any unusual reports of demonic activity at the event, not that people would notice demons at the sort of concerts Spike liked to attend.

"Great," Xander answered without emotion. He dropped onto the far end of the couch.

When Angel opened his mouth to ask for a little more information, the scent struck him. Sex. Semen and a woman's musk. Fear and shame. Lust and fatigue. And that wasn't Cordelia-smell that swirled around Xander. Angel opened his eyes wide and he tried to sort out Xander's reaction. Clearly, Xander had finally engaged in sex, but there was no bragging or excessive cockiness. Angel remembered having been quite insufferable when he'd finally had sex, insisting that it made him a man. Xander just sat staring at the blank television.

Angel finally thought to close his mouth. "Xander, what happened?" he asked softly. He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees.

Glancing over toward him, Xander blushed. "Oh, hey, nothing. Big nothing of nothing."

"It doesn't smell like nothing." Angel could see Xander shrink into himself, and he wondered if he should have just ignored the sex and Xander's strange reaction to it.

"The sniffing thing? Officially creepy. You know, you could try to be a little less monsterish," Xander complained, but then verbal attack wasn't exactly new for Xander... especially when he was feeling defensive and off-balance.

"Xander, talk to me," Angel said calmly, refusing to let Xander distract him.

"No need for talking. Talking bad. Actually, right now, I really think I should just go and get some sleep because I'm a growing boy and I need my rest. Especially now." Xander started to stand up.

"No!" Angel insisted firmly. Xander froze his place, his butt just starting to leave the couch cushion. "You can go rest in a second. I need you to tell me what happened," Angel said firmly. For a second, Xander frowned at him, and Angel could feel the boy's urge to joke or insult or distract or do anything to divert others' attention from his own problems. However, Xander had come a long way in therapy. For that matter, so had Angel. They both stared at each other silently until Xander finally sagged back down onto the couch.

"Xander, please?" Angel asked.

Xander made an odd sound that might have been a sob or a gasp or even an aborted laugh—Angel wasn't sure. "Virgin Xander is no longer virginish, which, as you already pointed out, you can smell," Xander said humorously.

"Faith." Angel said the name softly. The slayer's smell was all over Xander.

He nodded. "That would be the one. Technically, it would be the one and the two, but the first time I went off a little quick, so I'm not sure it counts. I think it does because even the first one was the definition of a home run. The second one... I don't think the baseball metaphor actually covers the second one." Xander was back to staring at the silent television.

"I thought you were interested in Cordelia?" Actually, Angel knew Xander was interested in Cordelia because the walls between the apartments were too thin for vampire hearing, and the boy talked in his sleep. He talked while having exceptionally happy dreams that made the laundry smell like a whore house.

Xander gave a dark laugh. "Yeah, me too. Apparently Little Xander is stupid enough to go for any female who's willing to throw me down on the ground and straddle me."

"Throw you down?" Angel half pushed himself out of his chair, a growl already forming in his throat, but Xander was just laughing.

"I'm never going to be able to look at grass again. Seriously. I mean, I've joked about linoleum getting me hot, but I wasn't actually being seriously. And now, grass and graveyards are going to be some sort of freaky turn-on. Grass, graveyards, and patrolling. After years of associating patrolling with getting my ass kicked, I'm now going to associate it with my ass..." He stopped and blushed bright red. "You know, I think I’m not going to mention that. That girl has spent way too much time with Spike."

With a frown of confusion, Angel settled back into his chair and cocked his head at Xander. None of this made sense.

"Probably she has," Angel agreed slowly. He suddenly regretted not stopping that relationship the moment it started. Unlike Buffy, Faith didn't seem to be overly distracted or emotionally attached, and he hadn't wanted to come in and seem like he was trying to assert inappropriate parental control. Technically, Blair hadn't wanted him to go in and exert inappropriate parental control, but he had gone along with the fatum demon's idiotic plan.

Xander's smile had nothing to do with happiness. "It's funny because parts are totally fuzzy... like I wasn't there. Other parts..." Xander's eyes glazed over. "Other parts are burned on my memory like I'm one of those weird people with the perfect memory, only not so much with remembering math formulas and way more with remembering the way her hands..." Xander stopped again, and Angel could smell the lust starting to build under the waves of shame. Xander has his arms crossed over his stomach, and his fingers pulled at the arms of his sweater nervously. The silence crawled into the room and settled over them.

"Xander, start from the beginning," Angel eventually suggested.

"Once upon a time, the universe was one big unshaped mass. Or maybe it was a pinpoint with all the mass of the universe in it. I'm really fuzzy on the big bang stuff."

"Start from when you left here to go patrolling with Faith." Angel struggled to keep his voice calm. A part of him... a big part... wanted to grab Xander and shake him until the right words started falling out. He needed to know what had happened.

"I'm big with having no idea," Xander sighed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Usually Angel could control his demonic thoughts because they were so different from his own. He wanted world peace; Angelus wanted to watch the world burn and know he had set the fire. Right now, though, he could feel fury growing as both Angelus' instincts and his own reacted to the idea that she had hurt Xander.

"Okay," Xander finally started again, "I just wanted to spend some quality Faith time."

"Since she's been acting so distant lately," Angel added in an attempt to hurry Xander. His temper would not take a long drawn-out conversation that never came to any point.

"Well, yeah. Only the talking didn't really work so well. Mostly she killed lots and lots of demons and I sort of trailed behind yelling 'watch out!' at random intervals."

"And?" Even without Xander's odd look, Angel knew his voice was approaching a growl.

"You know, I'm supposed to be 'woo hoo' about leaving virginity behind. I'm really losing man-points here. They're going to take my man-membership card away for excessive wussiness."

Realizing that Xander was more hurt than he'd realized, Angel took a deep breath and sorted through the various pieces of advice he'd gotten from therapists and Lorne and Blair. With a smile that he hoped was supportive, Angel got up from the chair and moved to sit next to Xander on the couch. He rested his hand on Xander's knee. "You are doing just fine. You can kill things and belch, so you are clearly a man," Angel reassured him. The words made no sense to him, but Xander finally looked up from the television and gave him a weak and watery smile.

"You really suck at the comfort thing, but thanks for trying." Then he leaned back and covered his eyes with the heels of his hands. "It's weird. I mean, I was totally into doing it when I was doing it, but now, I’m just wondering what I was doing. The big brain clearly wasn't working."

"How did it happen?" Angel ordered himself to remain calm until he got enough of the story to decide on some sort of proper response.

It took Xander several minutes to answer. "She asked me something about you, and I kinda didn't hear, and then she was right in my face looking all angry... like usual lately. And before I knew it, she was kissing me. Then she grabbed my jacket and pulled me to the ground and there was rubbing and promises about guiding me around the curves, and with Faith, there are more curves than usual. I so did not know all those curves. There were curves I did not know existed at all."

"Did she hurt you?" Angel slid and inch closer and scented the air as he tried to figure out how bad the damage might be. Usually when Darla got overly enthusiastic, a sore cock or whipped back was the worst he could expect, but Angel wasn't sure what exactly had happened.

Xander laughed manically and flung himself off the couch before started pacing. "First, as a member of the male species, I am supposed to enjoy sex. Actually, I did enjoy sex. I enjoyed it a whole lot. I mean, I thought I had a case of lust for the old sock puppet of love, but after Faith, my hand is having real performance anxiety. She's scary good." Xander scrubbed his hands through his hair, and Angel just sat on the couch, mute. Xander had enjoyed himself, and yet he still reeked of shame.

While his own first experience had been with a whore in a back alley, Angel actually seemed to have enjoyed it more. He remembered the sense of accomplishment and pride that he was truly a man. He'd gone home, and when his father tried to whip him for not being home at a reasonable hour, he had grabbed his father's arm and threatened to strike back. Sex had made him feel virile and powerful and alive. Of course, it also led to a string of whores, a worsening relationship with his family, and his eventual death at the hands of a demon. Perhaps Xander's panic and shame was a healthier reaction. Somehow Angel doubted that the therapists or Blair would agree.

"Why are you upset?" Angel just came right out and asked.

"Oh, maybe because I'm an idiot," Xander snapped before a burst of hysterical laughter slipped out.

"I'm not sure..." Angel started, but Xander cut him off.

"Oh, I am. I'm totally sure. I'm the idiot of all idiots. I'm king of Idiotsville. I'm a lifetime member in idiot-Mensa." Xander walked over and just about threw himself down on the couch next to Angel. The smell of sex and shame and lust and fear nearly overwhelmed Angel's control. Wrestling with his own darker nature, Angel limited himself to resting his palm against Xander's shoulder.

"You aren't," he said seriously.

"Says the man who is looking at me with tragic eyes," Xander said with a self deprecating grin. "You know I'm an idiot. I can tell from the look on your face. Either you're starting to develop actual facial expressions, or I'm getting scary good at reading your face." Xander put an elbow in Angel's stomach, and Angel caught the attacking arm before it could withdraw.

Tightening his grip just hard enough to be playful, he shook his head at Xander. "You're insulting me? You're at my mercy and you're insulting me?"

"It's better than thinking about how bad I just screwed up. I have always found that snarking about others is a very nice distraction from the self-hatred, especially when facing death and dismemberment." Xander let his head fall back against the couch, not even trying to squirm free, which had been Angel's intention. Xander was supposed to squirm, and they would wrestle before Angel would pin him and make him admit Angel's superiority. Then they would watch a stupid movie and Xander would be happy again.

This time, however, he seemed resigned to misery. Angel hated it. He was distracted by his own concern so his brain didn't fully register Xander's comment right away. "Wait. Why would someone dismember you?" Angel stiffened at the thought that some demon might have followed Xander and Faith home, and Xander was only now getting around to telling him. With the mayor being invulnerable and the ascension approaching, they all needed to be more careful than that. The lesson about threat assessment obviously required another lecture.

Xander's laugh just confused him more. "Someone? No, not someone. Spike," Xander said firmly. "I slept with Spike's girlfriend, hence the king of Idiotsville title. King? Hell, I'm the patron god and king of Idiotsville. Just make sure you visit my grave."

For a second, Angel was absolutely speechless. "He's not going to hurt you."

"Right," Xander said with heavy sarcasm. "The soulless vampire who has been on the thin edge of eating Wesley for the last three weeks... he's just going to pat me on the back and forgive me. Yep, sure he is. I want yellow roses for my funeral."

"He's not—"

"He's not going to be amused. Yep, got that," Xander cut him off again, and Angel truly wondered when exactly he had lost total control over this situation. But Xander just kept right on going. "And funny enough, I'm looking forward to Spike's reaction. A quick draining is going to be pleasant compared to what Cordelia is going to do to me." Because Angel was still holding Xander's arm, he could feel the involuntary shudder that shook Xander, and that he could understand. Even Angel flinched at that thought.

"Yeah! Exactly." Xander rolled his head to one side so he could look at Angel. "You see the complete stupidity of my stupid... yes?"

Angel grimaced. As much as he didn't want to add to Xander's misery, he had to admit that he could not see a good way out of this situation. "Maybe you could just not tell her," he offered.

"Right. I'll just count on Faith being all discretion girl. Yep, that'll work. That way, Cordelia will find out from Buffy after Faith goes off with the spilling of beans. I can look forward to not only death, but impalement and immolation."

Angel nodded as he had to admit the logic on that. They sat in silence on the couch, the heat from Xander's arm calming Angel while the mix of scents made him want to do a little impaling and immolating of his own. While he had no problem with Xander and Faith having sex, he hated seeing this weary pain etched into Xander's face. "Xander, I'm not sure what to say," Angel finally admitted helplessly.

He laughed. "Hey, that makes two of us. I think I’m going to go to my apartment and ponder my own patheticness." Xander pushed against Angel's stomach and got up.

"I could—" Angel started.

"You could go kill something," Xander cut him off. "Your demon is showing." Xander reached over and traced the ridge above Angel's eyes. Between the smell of sex and the gentle fingers tracing the sensitive skin, Angel had an immediate problem. He truly needed to find a way to tell Xander that the vampiric ridges were erogenous zones. Instead he caught Xander's hand and stood up as he studied his friend's face.

Xander was in pain, but it wasn't the sort of pain Angel knew how to help with. It had to do with guilt and shame and fear of how would react. Where Liam had reveled in shocking others, Xander tried so hard to live up to everyone's expectations, even when those expectations weren't reasonable. As far as Angel was concerned, resisting the amorous advances of a horny slayer was an unreasonable expectation for any teenager.

"You are not a bad person," Angel offered.

Xander looked at him and chewed on his lip. "I seriously just need some time with the music of pain... right before the real pain starts," he said firmly. Clearly he needed some processing time before he was ready to hear that message. Angel just nodded.

"Have fun killing the baddies," Xander said as he turned to head out of the apartment. Angel followed as far as the hall, and then he stood watching as Xander disappeared through his own door, his shoulders slumped.

Angel shook his head, forcing the demonic face away before he turned to Faith's apartment and knocked on the door. Spike answered, and the minute the door came open, Angel could hear the lack of any heartbeat in the apartment.

"Yeah?" Spike demanded as he leaned against the doorjamb.

"I need you to keep an eye on Xander," Angel said. While he hadn't intended to make Xander face Spike so soon, the boy was clearly afraid, and he needed some of those fears banished before he had a heart attack. Angel could do nothing to control Cordelia's reaction, but he had good reason to believe Xander had misjudged Spike.

"Why?" Spike stood up straight and scented the air. Immediately his eyes turned yellow, so Angel was guessing he could smell the distress and fear that still hung in the air.

"Because I asked you to," Angel started, not sure how to explain Xander's distress.

"He doesn't need a fucking babysitter, Peaches. He isn't a child. Fuck, by the time you and I were his age, we were men," Spike said with a dismissive eyeroll, but he also shoved past Angel out into the hallway, a frown on his face as he sniffed.

"After today, he's a man, too," Angel said dryly.

"Wot?"

Angel struggled to put the right words together. Times like this, he could feel the abyss that separated him from Spike. There were times when he could almost believe they were again clan brothers—other times, he found himself struggling to describe the simplest ideas to Spike. He didn't have the vocabulary for explaining this to someone who didn't have a soul. "I need to go talk to Faith," he settled for saying.

Now Spike flashed into his full gameface. "Faith? Why? What the fuck are you up to?"

Angel held up a placating hand. "I just need to talk to her about the way she's treating people."

Instead of calming Spike down, that just seemed to make him explode in anger. "Bloody fucking hell. Talk to me before I start torturing information out of someone." Spike stepped forward, his body coiled for violence.

"Faith slept with Xander," Angel blurted out before this could get totally out of control.

Spike fell back with a confused look on his face. "Yeah? Good on him. What the fuck is the problem?"

With a sigh, Angel wondered again why Spike bothered sticking around when his own instincts were such a poor match for the humans who had become an extended clan for both of them. "Xander didn't exactly want to sleep with her, and he thinks you're going to kill him for it," Angel explained. "He knows Cordelia is going to kill him."

Cocking his head to one side, Spike studied him warily... as if there were some trap or trick that he didn't fully understand somewhere in Angel's words. "Why would I care if she got her rocks off with the boy?" Spike asked. "It's about bloody time he moved on from wanking. Bloody unhealthy how often the boy and his shower share intimacies."

"He thinks you're going to be jealous."

"Of Xander? No offense mate, but I've walked in on him naked. He's not half bad, but I don't have anything to be jealous about myself." Spike smirked and reached down to grab his own crotch. Spike truly didn't have any reason to feel insecure, but that wasn't really the point.

"He's human," Angel started, not sure how to explain human jealousies to a vampire.

"I think I noticed," Spike said sarcastically, but then he slowly straightened and stared at Angel. "Wait, this is more of that soul rot, innit?"

"Yes, it is," Angel agreed. "He thinks you're going to be jealous. He doesn't understand that you and I consider Faith part of the family."

"Yeah, and a family that fucks together stays together... unless some wanker is such an insecure git that he won't share and has to make everyone else fucking miserable about it." Spike gave him an entirely too-sweet smile, and Angel flinched away from that censure. Now that he could look back on his Angelus days, he did have to admit that a few of his excesses might have been motivated by a certain lack of confidence. Watching Spike throw himself into his love for Drusilla, Angelus had been jealous. His own relationships with both Dru and Darla were more about mutual advantage and convenience than any passion, much like all his physical relationships as a human had been.

"Spike..." Angel stopped just short of apologizing.

"Is that why your knickers are in a twist with Faith? Are you plannin' on keeping Xander to yourself and not sharing? Upset that she got there first?" Spike taunted.

Gritting his teeth, Angel reminded himself that he didn't have time to get in a fight with Spike. "He's a human."

"Yeah, so's Faith." Spike shrugged.

"No, Spike, she really isn't. Xander and Cordelia will never understand that we don't have the same definition of faithful. They're human. Any sex is cheating. I'm not sure, but I think Xander's right that he's going to lose Cordy over this."

The smirk vanished from Spike's face. "Fuck? Really?" he asked.

Angel nodded.

"Those souls of yours really do muck up the brain, don't they?"

"Don't start."

"I'm not bloody starting anything. I'm stating fact," Spike rolled his eyes. "Look, you go deal with Faith, and I'll talk to the boy. I won't have him thinking I'm going to gut him over a little slap and tickle with Faith. Bloody hell, I'm more brassed off about not getting an invite than him getting a little."

"Just... just remember he's human, Spike."

"No worries, mate. So, should I not mention that you and I..." Spike wiggled a finger back and forth between them and got a wide smirk on his face.

"NO!" Angel practically yelped.

Spike laughed and danced backwards as if he expected to get punched. Another day, Angel might have followed just to make his point, but today he had an out-of-control slayer to worry about. Faith was brash and unapologetic and lost, but he'd never seen her willfully hurt someone the way she had hurt Xander. He might not be admitting it yet, but Angel could smell the pain clinging to Xander's skin. "Just take care of him," Angel asked seriously. Spike stopped his dance and weave maneuvers. The playful violence fell away, and for one second, Angel could see the man Spike had been before Angelus had twisted and warped him.

"I'll look after him, luv," Spike promised seriously. Trusting Spike to do just that, Angel turned and headed out into the night. Something was wrong in his territory and his clan. He just had to hope that whatever had gone wrong, he could fix it. Maybe it was just a nice, simple case of demonic possession, he thought as he followed the scent of cigarettes and perfume to the roof of the building.

Faulty Logic

"Olly, olly all in free," Spike called as he pushed the door to Xander's apartment open and walked right in. He nearly stumbled right back out as the wailing music ran down his nerves like fingernails down a chalkboard. "Oi, what is that shite?" he demanded as he walked over and hit the volume button. "Bloody hell, you are not allowed to buy your own music," he complained as he took the tape out and flung it at the wall where it made a satisfying crunch. "Should be getting CD's anyway. Sound quality is better."

Spike dropped down onto the chair and flung one leg over the arm as he stared at Xander. The boy did look about ready to fall over with heart failure.

"So, I hear you got your end off with Faith. Good on you, boy. Not many your age can brag about bagging a slayer... well, except for that wanker at your school. Seems like Slutty did a right good job of shutting him up, though. Try not ta brass Faith off enough to get shoved in a toilet. It's hell on the plumbing, pet."

Spike pulled out a cigarette and twirled it in his fingers as he listened to Xander's racing heart slowly calm down. Angel might have his head up his arse a good chunk of the time, but he'd been right about Xander. The little twit had really thought Spike would hurt him. Sometimes Spike figured the whole world would be a good sight saner if someone just ripped all the souls out of everyone.

"I... uh... " Xander turned an alarming shade of red.

"Right then. You ready to get shit-faced drunk and get your first tattoo?" Spike asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "You a man now?"

"I... um..."

"Articulate as ever." Spike smirked, and elements of anger flavored the scent of humiliation.

"Yes, that's me, articulate boy, only less with the articulate. Thank you for the ever-so-odd congratulations, but I think I need to go to bed," Xander said without moving off the couch.

Spike raised his eyebrow. "Is there something wrong with Faith that ya need to be ashamed of having bedded her?"

"Bedded?" Xander choked on the word. "There were no beds involved."

"With Faith, there usually aren't," Spike agreed, smiling and running his tongue just inside his lower lip as he lost himself in memory. They'd had sex on tombstones, graveyard hills, school halls, floors, a bathroom at the courthouse while spying on the mayor, and in Angel's apartment. That last one had inspired Angel to near-Angelus levels of retribution. He would definitely be encouraging that sort of delinquency in Faith again in the very near future.
"Okay, that is just a majorly disturbing look," Xander complained.

"I thought it was sexy," Spike offered with an eyebrow wiggle, but Xander didn't rise to the bait at all. He just sighed and smelled even more miserable.

"I can't believe you're congratulating me on getting thrown down and devirginized by someone other than my girlfriend. Okay, actually, this would still be creepy if it had been Cordelia out there in the cemetery, not that Cordy would ever have sex in a cemetery."

Spike cocked his head at Xander and sat up in the chair. "Bagging your first girl is a rite of passage, mate."

"A disturbing one. I never should have slept with Faith," Xander said softly as he slumped down. "You're a soulless vampire, and I bet you wouldn't have gone cheating on your girlfriend. And being less ethical than the soulless crowd... not really something to brag about." Xander dropped his head down and hid it in his hands. Spike was left with a view of the top of Xander's head and dark curls.

"Trust me, pet, you have a lot more ethics than I do," Spike laughed as he moved over to the other end of the couch so that he was sitting close enough to slap Xander on the back. "Ya got more than me and Peaches put together."

"And yet, this is me not believing that." His voice was weary, but at least he looked up. "I mean, I think I probably still have more morals than Liam did because I'm not out there sleeping with all the girls, but that might not be exactly accurate because Liam's days of whoring did not include whoring when he had a girl at home who thought he was off being loyal while he was really having sex with a slayer on a hill in the middle of a cemetery."

Spike narrowed his eyes as he tried to figure the logic of that one.

"Seriously, Spike, the man you were before you got turned, you never would have gone and cheated on a girl you really liked, would you?" Xander asked as he turned to face Spike.

Normally Spike vetoed discussion that touched on William. It hardly seemed fair to let the boy suffer, though.

"I was in an arranged betrothal for about six months. Family found out that melancholy ran in my da's family, and they cut it off. But I went to the whore house during those months," Spike said as he thought back on those very distant memories.

"Whoa. Really? She didn't want to, I don't know, put arsenic in your pudding or something?" Xander leaned back and really focused on Spike, which was better than having him focus on his own misery.

"Not like anyone told her, luv," he pointed out. "Besides, she probably assumed I'd been going to 'em. You couldn't spit in London without hitting a half-dozen of 'em."

"And you weren't with the guilt at all?" Xander asked with a deep frown.

"Not really, pet. I lost my virginity at fourteen because my mum was worried I might be an urning." Spike chuckled at that old word. He hadn't even thought about that one for almost a century. "Now there was word polite people only whispered in dark corners. My mum, grand lady my mum, she had one of my uncles take me to a boarding house down in Blackfriars. A woman who smelled of apples and who must've been older than my mum lay down and gave me point by point directions on exactly how to engage in a little slap and tickle." Spike grabbed his crotch as a visual aide.

That almost got a smile out of Xander. "You make it sound like school with the directions and the old lady teacher."

"Not far off, pet. I visited the house a few times a year, even during my ill-conceived betrothal." Spike shuddered. "She looked like a horse, pet. Trust me, a well-used whore who treated sex the way a school marm treats figures... that was an improvement over the long-faced shrew my da tried to fix me up with."

"Creepy, but okay. And really, I am not one to be talking because Faith was more than a little teacherish and directionish herself. Except she was definitely the one on top."

"Yeah, she does like to ride a man raw," Spike agreed with a smile. In a lot of ways, Faith reminded him of the pre-Prague years with Dru. Faith knew what she wanted and she wasn't afraid to just bloody lay it on the line and demand it.

"We are approaching new levels of freak," Xander sighed. "And what's an urnsing?"

"An urning, luv. People believed men's sexuality was more evolved. Sometimes a man might be born who had the body of a male, but the embryo just didn't quite evolve far enough so he had the sexual appetites of a woman."

"Whoa. Your mom thought you were gay?" Xander sat up straight.

Spike thought about that for a second before shrugging. "Might have. I enjoyed the whores well enough, though. Don't rightly know if my mum and uncle ever talked about it after the one time I overheard 'em. I figure he did something to let her know I could play my part well enough because she stopped making unhappy noises about me needing to find a wife." Spike thought back to the way his mum had been so happy when he had started seriously courting Cecily. He had no intention of ever sharing that bit of humiliation, though. "She might have just assumed I was a virilized urning," Spike said as he really thought about it.

"Virilized? Like virus?"

"Like virile, pet. What the bloody fuck to you learn all day at school?" Spike asked with disgust. He had no idea why Angel insisted the boy keep attending other than it allowed him access to the other slayer and the watchers. Boy wasn't exactly good spy material, though. He almost never brought home any juicy details.

"Trust me, we learn nothing that would relate to this whole situation."

"Real life never happens in school, pet. Once you're through with this rot, Peaches and I will start teaching you the way the world really works."

"And somehow I think I've been taught enough to last a lifetime. Nope, my brain is full."

Spike frowned at the sudden scent of humiliation. He considered lighting the cigarette just for the familiar scent of nicotine and tar to buffer the bitterness. Rather than risk another lecture from Angel on the joys of lung cancer, he shoved it into a pocket unlit. "Right then, what did she teach you that has your knickers in such a twist?"

"My knickers do not twist. I have straight knickers. The straightest." Xander set his mouth in a stubborn line.

Spike didn't even need vampire senses to spot that bit of deceit. "You lie about as well as you use the English language."

"That's sounding insulty."

Spike snorted. "Look pet, anything she taught you past the standard thrust and groan, she picked it up off me. She may have been used a whole lot, but there weren't many who stuck around to teach her the finer points of enjoying the human body."

"Used?" Xander looked over.

Spike shrugged. "Yeah, seems like just about everyone from her Da on used her. That might be why she's so fond of being on top."

Xander sighed and hid his face in his hands again. "I slept with a rape victim. I'm so going to hell."

"Oi, sounds more like she slept with you," Spike pointed out. He was truly getting frustrated with the whole conversation. At this point, chatting up Dru about her dolls and soddin' stars made more sense than this rot. "And I thought we were talking about whatever she had taught you that had your knickers all in a twist."

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. Nope. Nada." Xander sounded near hysterical.

"Pet, you can tell me, or I can sit on you until you tell me," Spike warned, wishing that he could just torture the boy a bit. It's not like he would break the boy, but sometimes a little fear and pain was a nice motivation. However, like usual, Angel just had to overreact all the bloody time. He'd gone from wanting to torture every poor sod that crossed his path to being obsessively opposed to any torture at all. Wanker.

Xander turned dark read. "It was..." he squeaked and fell silent when Spike stood up. "She did things with her hands," he blurted before Spike could do something. Spike frowned down at him, still confused.

"And?"

"Naughty things." Xander whispered the words, and while Spike could smell the shame, he still felt as though he were talking to a male version of Dru and he just didn't have the right words to translate the nonsense into anything that approached logic.

"Pet, if she was doing it right, she should have been doing all sorts of naughty things with her hands."

"Not with my ass!" Xander blurted out in protest, and then he really did turn an alarming shade of red.

"Oi, you mean where she reaches in and strokes the prostate while sucking you off?" Spike asked. "Bloody hell, that woman has a mouth that kings would declare war over. Fuck Helen of Troy. One of Faith's blowjobs would make any man toss the hag out with the trash." Spike dropped down on the couch next to Xander again, but Xander was just staring at him blankly. "Wot?" Spike demanded.

"You like it when she..."

"Bloody love it, mate. Fuck, it doesn't get better than that."

"Oh shit. I really am gay." Xander closed his eyes and just sort of shank into the couch.

"Wot? Pet, Faith is a girl. Havin' sex with girls doesn't generally make you gay... unless you are a girl. Want me to check out your parts for ya to be sure?" Spike teased. Normally Xander reacted with an almost violent panic at any offer of touching, but now he didn't seem to have the energy for it. If Angel didn't set Faith straight, Spike was going to be having a very long and brutal discussion with her about not breaking the boy again. Next time, he was bloody supervising because Faith was not to be trusted with the human members of the clan.

Xander's voice was so soft that Spike had to concentrate to catch every word. "I enjoyed something going up the down chute. That is gay. As proof, I cite you who is clearly gay and who clearly enjoys things going up the down chute."

Spike cocked his head in confusion. "But Angel likes it, too. He bloody goes off like a cannon when..." Spike just stopped because Xander was staring at him with a look of horror so intense that Spike actually turned around to check for open sucking vortexes or slime monsters.

"Wot?" Spike demanded when he looked back.

"You? You and Angel? But you're dating Faith... oh god. Faith was being all vengefully by sleeping with me after you slept with Angel, wasn't she? See, that actually makes sense, way more than the idea that she just woke up and decided, 'hey, I'm going to sleep with Xander today.' No one ever just decides that."

"Pet, breathe," Spike ordered firmly. "And there's no vengeance going on. If she slept with ya, it's because she wanted to, luv."

"But you and Angel," Xander objected.

"Yeah? What about it? You knew that he loved it when I gave him a blow job. Actually, you threw a wobbly over it back before I even had an invite into your place."

"I knew... past tense. Actually, I knew that the blow jobs were past tense, not the me knowing being past tense because the knowing is present tense and the blow jobs were past tense." Xander considered that for a second. "I thought," he added.

It did frighten Spike that he could actually follow that odd bit of not-logic. "Vampires are just different pet. I suck off Angel, I fuck Faith, you fuck Faith—as long as it stays in the clan, it's not like any of us are cheating."

"So if Faith decided to have sex with Angel, you'd be okay with that?" Xander asked disbelievingly.

"Sure, just as long as the git didn't try and keep her away from me. Course, if those two were in a bed and I didn't get an invite to join in, I'd be even more brassed off than I am now. I can't believe Faith didn't even invite me along for your grand deflowering," Spike smirked and looked the boy up and down salaciously. Rather than leap away or start stuttering, Xander just sighed.

"Why would she have..." Xander just stopped, and for the life of him, Spike was not tracking Xander's current lack of logic.

"Picked you?" Spike took a shot in the dark.

"Exactly. Why would she have picked me? I mean, I'm all Cordelia picked. I still sometimes have trouble believing how Cordelia picked I am, but I am definitely Cordelia picked." Xander got up and started pacing the room. Luckily, he'd actually cleaned it up recently, so he didn't have to go tripping over soda cans.

Spike watched the boy pace. The great pouf had actually been right this time around. "Ya really think your bird is going to leave you over this?"

"Oh yeah. Leave me in little, tiny, bloody, emotionally-crippled pieces," Xander laughed. Then he glanced over. "Which I mean metaphorically because there is absolutely no reason to go off all weird and do something out of a very strange desire to protect your sire's property."

Spike laughed at the sudden worry in Xander's face. The boy was just so adorable confused most of the soddin' time. "Bloody hell, I never get between a bird and whatever the hell she wants to do, especially when she's family, too. So Cordelia can metaphorically eviscerate you all she wants. I don't rightly understand why, but you lot with souls do seem to enjoy complicating something as simple as sex."

"Sex is not so simple. Seriously, why would she pick me?" Xander demanded as he turned large brown eyes on Spike.

"She probably likes the way you look, pet," Spike offered, and he seriously wished some monster of the week would come crashing in the door because he truly had no idea what he was supposed to say. However, sure as little green apples, if he broke Xander more, Angel was going to strip the skin from his back.

Xander was shaking his head. "She has you."

"Yeah, she does," Spike agreed. "Might be she wanted a little variety."

"For which she could go to Angel or pick up some guy in a bar."

Spike growled at that, his teeth elongating at the thought. "She picks up some random wanker, and she might as well put an 'eat me' sign on the git's back," Spike warned darkly. There was sharing with clan and then there was defending your honor and territory.

Xander frowned at him. "Okay, weirdly jealousy for a non-jealousy guy."

"It's about defending your territory, pet. I won't have her or you doing out and bringing home some wanker."

"But wanking within the family is okay?" Xander asked, still sounding more than a little confused.

"Well, yeah," Spike said, ignoring the flagrant misuse of the word wanking. He leaned back and sprawled out on the couch.

"Why me?" Xander returned to. Spike had no idea how to answer that because he was fairly sure he already had. Give him a chaos demon to kill any day of the week, but this dealing with souled beings was more than a vampire could take.

"Why didn't she ask me or stop and talk or even talk to me after?" Xander sank down against the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Spike leaned forward.

"She didn't ask?"

"That would be a big 'no' because I would have pointed out that I was Cordelia picked, not that I probably am anymore. When I tell her this, I will definitely be unpicked."

Spike thought about that for a second. If one vampire pushed another down and had sex, it was a definite status play, but Spike just wasn't sure how accurate that would be for humans. Then again, like Angel pointed out, Faith was a little closer to her demonic roots. "Maybe she was trying to prove her status. She gets right tetchy about not feeling like she belongs," Spike offered.

"She... what?" Xander looked up from his spot on the floor.

"Girl's gotten kicked out of more places than I have." Spike laughed. "And I've been annoyin' people for a good century longer than she has. Sometimes she's about green with envy that you have the pouf so soft on you that ya could do just about anything and he still wouldn't toss ya out."

For long seconds, Xander just stared at him, like he couldn't quite get his brain in first gear. "She's jealous of me?" he finally asked.

For the first time, Spike could see a small crack in the pain and confusion that had surrounded Xander like a fucking cloud.

"Bloody hell yes. Just yesterday, she was asking what I would do if we all split up and went our own ways. Would I follow her or Angel or you?"

"You'd follow Angel," Xander said immediately.

"Fuck, yeah. The rest of you lot are fun and all, but it's not like you're sane. Well, actually Peaches isn't sane either, but he's family. Dru wasn't a paragon of sanity herself, so I'm just more used to it than most. But like I said before, Peaches would follow you wherever you went, so there wouldn't be much actual splitting up. We'd just be a bloody parade with Peaches trailing after you and me tailing Peaches."

"Where would that leave Faith?" Xander asked with a frown.

Spike shrugged. "Wherever the fuck she wanted. She could come with me or go shopping for some swank or bloody go on a crime spree."

"But," Xander looked at him strangely before pushing himself up off the floor. "You were all ready-to-eat-Wesley vamp over him being stupid with the patrols."

"Still bloody am," Spike snorted. That was another one of Peaches' brilliant plans. Yeah, give the git time to make his own mistakes. Like as not, one or both of the slayers were going to end up dead before that git bulled his giant head out of his arse.

"But wouldn't you want Faith with you?" Xander asked, and now confusion had almost drowned out the shame of earlier.

Spike scratched his stomach. "Course I would, pet. She's a bloody good fighter and a good shag, as you found out. But if she wanted to go her own way, that's her choice."

Xander looked lost. Standing in the middle of the living room looking around at his own stuff, he looked suddenly lost.

"Pet?"

"I want to hate her," Xander whispered.

Spike leaned forward again, bracing himself for another detour into complete illogic. "Pet, I know you aren't intentionally annoying the piss out of me, but ya have to explain this in words that do not include the concepts 'guilt' or 'soul'."

"Or love?" Xander asked as he looked at Spike intensely.

"I loved Dru. Nearly walked in the sun when she gave me the boot. I love Angel, too, but if you bloody tell him, I'll eat one of your internal organs."

Rather than even pretending to be intimidated, Xander walked over and sat on the arm of the couch nearest Spike and tucked his feet up onto the cushion. Spike looked up at the boy curiously.

"I'm not totally sure because girl-logic is worse than math-logic," Xander said slowly, "but I'm really mad because I think Faith just made it impossible for me to have love with Cordelia because the whole vampire theory of sleeping with family members is not a theory cheerleaders believe. It's definitely not what Cordelia believes."

"So, she's going to react the way I would if ya slept with someone other than Faith, Cordelia, me or Peaches?" Spike guessed. Xander frowned at him.

"Disturbo, but yes."

"Right then, let her and Faith have at it, and then you can make it up to her." Spike smiled. He was actually good at this human rot once someone explained it in terms that made any sense.

Xander gave a laugh that very nearly turned into a sob. "But I should have stopped Faith because I knew ahead of time that I had to pick between Cordelia love and Faith sex, and the little head picked Faith sex."

"What did the big head pick?"

"The big head was not picking much of anything." Xander cleared his throat. "The big head was busy being hijacked by the little head which really did not have much experience with anything other than the right hand." Xander lifted his right hand and waved the fingers at Spike.

"I bloody well know that. These walls are too fucking thin for vampire hearing," Spike pointed out. "So, if your brain wasn't actually functional, the bitchy cheerleader can't blame you if you got all your common sense hijacked."

"Oh, she so can," Xander said, his eyes going unfocused for a second. "I'm a dead man walking."

"Because of Faith," Spike said with a frown. He wondered whether Faith had understood what a mess she had made for Xander, and if she did, she had more of a sadistic streak than Spike had ever guessed.

Xander nodded. "And I want to hate her for it."

"Nothing wrong with that." Spike still hated the chaos demon who had bloody stolen Dru's love, so he could understand it if the boy never wanted to see Faith again. Spike had the perfect apartment in mind for Faith on the other side of town. He could claim her apartment here and split his time between the two places.

"But what she did was because of her own issues, wasn't it?" Xander asked, his voice suddenly firm. Spike looked at him in confusion. He wasn't even bothering to try and keep up with the conversation at this point. "You said she was jealous because Angel and I are like family." Xander looked at him, clearing looking for some sort of confirmation.

"Yeah," Spike agreed.

"And she's feeling all insecure about whether you want her..."

"I never said that," Spike protested as he sat up straight.

"Oh trust me, Spike, she is. If she asked you if you would follow her, she was so looking for reassurance. She is all issues-woman. It's like my father."

"It's what?" Spike was fairly sure Xander had lost his mind somewhere during this conversation. That wanker of a father had nothing to do with this. Hell, Spike didn't even like thinking about Harris, senior, especially since Angel had paid him off in exchange for partial custody of Xander. The payments had stopped when Xander turned eighteen, but it still rankled that the man had his hands on any part of their hard-stolen treasure. All that demon gold had been soddin' hard to drag out of that hole in the ground where they found it. Tony Harris never should have seen one penny of it.

Xander was off and running with his newly discovered insight, though. "I want to hate my father because he was never fatherish and now he's way too far inside a bottle to be anything other than an asshole," Xander explained—as if that made sense, which it didn't. "I want to hate him, but he has his own issues, and his issues are not my issues, so I should just let him and his issues go their own way until he decides to change or he drops dead, whichever comes first."

Spike raised an eyebrow.

"My therapist said that, well, most of that. I added the drops dead part because I'm fairly sure my father is never going to decide to change."

"I figured. Don't rightly know what your da has to do with any of this, though."

Xander threw his arms wide, and for the first time, he didn't smell of despair. Or at least, he smelled significantly less of despair at least. "This is so not about me. Whatever Faith did, she was being issues-girl, and I should just let her go her own way until she decides to pull her head out of her ass."

"There you go then," Spike said as he stood up. Whatever the solution was, he was just happy to be escaping from the conversation.

"Which will still not be helping on the Cordelia front," Xander added sadly as the energy drained from him.

"You could lie," Spike suggested, but Xander shook his head.

"As you pointed out, me and lying are not best with the buds. If Faith didn't go ratting me out, I would rat myself."

"Well then," Spike said as he tried to wrap his brain around warped human logic. "You could try the truth, pet."

Xander looked at him incredulously. Yeah, that's pretty much what Spike thought, too. He shrugged his shoulders and headed for the door. The boy wasn't happy, but he was dealing about as well as he dealt with any of the shite life threw at him. He'd be fine.

"Spike," Xander said when Spike reached the door.

"Yeah, pet?"

"Thanks for not eviscerating me," Xander said seriously.

Spike shook his head. "You are 'round the twist. The whole lot of you are 'round the twist."

"I know," Xander agreed with a crooked grin. "And I'm trying to be not-issues boy, which seems pretty hard when I keep having all these issues. Spike, whatever is going on with Faith, I can't help her with it. I can't really be in the same room with her right now without my issues breeding and birthing new issues. But maybe you and Angel can?"

Spike cocked his head at the request. Obviously, whatever harm Faith had done, it wasn't enough to break the clan bonds. Things got fucking messy when clan bonds broke between some clan members and not others. He'd been caught in the middle of that once when Darla had pushed him away but not Dru. It'd been a right mess until Darla finally just up and disappeared. Spike really hadn't wanted to be in the middle of another clan feud, so he was grateful that the boy had more forgiveness in him than a demon. "I'll look after her, pet," Spike promised.

Xander smiled at him. The boy had terrifying levels of forgiveness. Considering that Spike had killed the boy's friend, Kendra, he supposed he was grateful for that. Xander grabbed the remote, and Spike closed the door behind him.

Spike headed for Faith's apartment, listening carefully before he opened the door. No Faith, and no Angel. Now that was one conversation that Spike wouldn't mind eavesdropping on. Considering how worked up the boy had been, Peaches was going to be in a right state. And if Xander was right, Faith had her own reasons for being less than reasonable. Yeah, that conversation was going to be all sorts of fun. Spike headed for the stereo and switched it on before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. Humans. They made a lot more sense when you ate them.

The Eyes of a Wounded Child

"Love and pain become one in the same in the eyes of a wounded child." --Pat Benatar

Angel pushed open the heavy rooftop door and looked around at the flat roof. Wind caps on the pipes spun lazily, and a trail of smoke rose from behind one of the low structures that hid the air conditioning mechanics. Angel headed for the smoke. His nerves buzzed with the awareness of a slayer. It was ironic. He had once thought that the feeling was some sort of mystical connection he shared with Buffy. He could only attribute that bit of stupidity to the lack of human blood in his diet and a lack of experience with slayers. He'd gone from haunting back alleys to believing in true love and tooth fairies. Neither extreme was particularly healthy.

And right now, right now when he wanted to break several bones in Faith's body for essentially raping Xander, he needed to remember that extremes were not healthy.

He turned the corner and saw Faith sitting on the low wall that marked the edge of the building. One foot dangled over, and she kicked the heel into the brick wall with a thump as regular as her heartbeat.

"Faith," Angel said, not even sure how to start this conversation.

He had no doubt that Faith never intended to hurt Xander... and he had no doubt that Xander would both forgive and heal... however, he could still feel his own anger rise like a monster in his chest. Part of that was guilt. He had hurt Xander equally as bad, and then he had brought Faith into Xander's life. Part of it was a cold fury that Faith could act so irresponsibly and callously toward someone whom Angel had marked. After years of bloodmarking, Angel's own scent was irrevocably etched into Xander, a clear sign that anyone who bothered the boy would have to answer to Angel himself. Buffy and Faith had both been accosted by the mayor's minions on patrol, but not even the most foolhardy demon had ever dared to touch Xander.

"Big A," Faith answered. She didn't bother turning to look at him. One hit. One hit and she would go flying out into the dark, her body landing on the concrete below--twisted and broken. Would a slayer heal from an injury like that? It was only six stories. It wasn't like tossing her off the top of the Empire state building. Angel crossed his arms in an attempt to keep his hands to himself.

"So, anything happen on patrol tonight?" Angel asked with a dangerous calm.

She shrugged. "Walked, met vampires, dusted vampires. Same old." She flicked her cigarette off into the night. "Still not hearing shit about whatever the mayor has planned for his big coming out party."

Angel stared out over the lights of Sunnydale. "Xander patrolled with you?"

"Yep. He's not bad for a human. In more ways than one." Faith gave him a salacious look complete with a wink, and Angel nearly punched her right off the building. Instead he stood statue-still and struggled with the rage that crashed through him.

Angel took a deep breath and reminded himself not to shout. No matter how she acted, she wasn't Spike, and he couldn't treat her like Spike. He'd like to. He'd like to put a fist into that grinning mouth and make her stop turning what she had done into a joke. Walking over, he sat on the edge of the building awkwardly and gathered his thoughts. "Given Xander's relationship with Cordelia, I'm surprised he chose to have sex with you," Angel said slowly. If he let even an ounce of his anger out, it was going to overwhelm both of them.

She shrugged again. "The family that fucks together, stays together," she said dismissively, parroting one of Spike's favorite sayings, one that never failed to bring the color to Xander's cheeks.

"That's true of vampires, but you and Xander aren't vampires," Angel pointed out.

"As good as, right?" she asked as flexed her arms nervously, stretching so that her shirt rose up to show off her stomach. "I mean, face it, slayers have more than a little demon to them, and Xander... he fights like a demon and thinks like one more often than not."

"He... what?" Angel stared at her, completely flummoxed as the already strange conversation took a detour for the stranger.

Faith laughed. "Chill, babe. You do not need to get the glare of death out just for me. It's five by five. Giles and Calendar didn't actually find any demonic traits in Xander with their little hand-waving routine. He's just a little more flexible in his thinking than most. I mean, he goes and forgives both you and Spike for doing your Charlie Manson impressions, he has one therapist with a demonic secretary, a second therapist who is a demon, and his favorite place in LA is run by a guy who looks like an extra from some lame horror movie. I've seen the pics, babe, and that Lorne looks like a seriously bad bad-ass."

"Lorne?" Angel echoed the name and tried to figure out how she had jumped from point A to point M so quickly. He didn't want to talk about Lorne. While the demon was certainly a very nice man, Angel had other concerns right now.

"It's hard to believe someone who looks like that could be a pacifist. I don't mind telling you, I would slay on sight if I caught those red eyes of his peering at me."

"I don't--"

"It really hacks Wesley off that Xander is always asking whether this demon or that demon should be slayed. Wesley comes up with the name of some demon, and sure as Spike fucks like a wild man, Xander is asking if the demon is actually a bad guy." Faith laughed and stretched her legs out in front of her. "Drives Wesley up the fucking wall."

"It does?"

"Yeah. So, I'm thinking the boy lost his totally human status about the same time that he understood Spike better than Willow. Not that Willow's all that hard to understand. One possessive, arrogant little bitch is pretty much like any other." Faith crossed her legs at the ankle and looked over at Angel.

"I... I came up here to talk about you and Xander," Angel said as he struggled to get the conversation back on track. The fury of earlier had largely dissipated under the weight of his confusion, but now he could feel it return.

"Boy's not bad for a human," Faith said with a smug expression. "A little guiding around the curves and he found the gas pedal just fine."

"He is a human, and humans have rules about that sort of thing," Angel said quickly before she could again get him off-topic.

"What? You want me to get him a wedding ring?" Faith asked with a snort of laughter.

"I want you to respect him and his decisions."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Faith demanded. She sat up, her body coiled for action, and Angel truly wished--not for the first time--that she was a vampire. He knew how to handle it when a fledge got this mouthy.

Instead, Angel leaned forward toward Faith. "You need to think before you use your strength against people who can't physically match you," he started, his voice soft.

"What the fuck are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you can be careless with your strength. It certainly hasn't improved your control to spend so much time with Spike who has his own difficulties in that area."

Faith slowly stood, her hands curled into fists. "You have a problem with me or the way I handle my shit, you say it to my face." Her elbows were bent, her back arched. She reminded Angel of a very angry alley cat about to go sailing into a nasty fight.

"I'm saying you pushed too hard with Xander," Angel said as he stood up, his hands and body loose and non-threatening even though he was ready for any attack. Faith was good, but she wasn't near the fighter of either Buffy or Spike, and Angel knew he could best those two.

"He was happy enough when I left him with that big, stupid grin on his face." She smiled wickedly, but her words were ice.

"He's down there trying to figure out how to put the pieces of his life back together after what you two did out in that cemetery."

"He is? *He* is? He's worried about his fucking life?" She just about screeched the words. "What the fuck does he have to worry about? Huh? Is he worried that his sugar daddy won't approve of his slutty choices?" Faith's inexplicable anger turned to a hip-rolling sexual advance as she moved toward Angel. He instinctively flinched back from the touch.

Yes, she and Spike were intimately involved, but Angel had never been particularly successful with intimacies, and intimacy with Faith truly did seem like pedophilia, even if Blair insisted it was not. On the surface, she was tougher and acted older than Buffy, but inside, she was so much more damaged in ways that terrified Angel. When he screwed up with Xander or Buffy or Spike, they were all resilient enough to survive his stupidity. Faith had a fragility to her that made Angel doubt her ability to do the same. With Spike, she shared sex and lust and a lot of rug burns, rope burns, and grass stains, but Angel financially supported her. He made her eat vegetables. That was not the sort of relationship that Angel wanted to turn sexual.

"What's the matter, babe? Spike tells me that you like to be top man, so for you, I might even go on my back."

"Faith, stop."

"What? You think you're going to get your dick dirty sticking it in me? Is that it? You think your precious Xander is too good to take a tumble with me? Maybe you think Spike is too good for me, too." Faith had continued to advance, but her lascivious attitude had vanished, and she had again turned to a cold anger. Angel was starting to get whiplash trying to keep up with her emotions.

"I don't think any of us are too good for you. I just don't plan on sleeping with someone two hundred years younger than I am," Angel insisted. Faith had reached up to rub his arm aggressively, and Angel grabbed her wrist and wrenched it away as he backed up toward the door.

"Spike says you fuck the vampires and humans at the suck house. I wonder if Xander knows that. I wonder if Xander knows how his sugar daddy likes to catch Spike by the small of his neck and push him down before driving into him." Faith pursed her lips. "Not that I blame you. Spike looks good with a few bruises and a lot of rope."

Angel didn't realize he had gone into gameface until he felt the growl escape his chest. Faith's calculating expression instantly vanished under a blank mask. Despite the fact that he had been seconds away from backhanding her, Angel stopped. This was not normal behavior, not even for Faith.

"I fuck the vampires at the suck house. That doesn't mean I have any feelings for them or that I would hesitate to stake them if I saw them on patrol. What I do with them is about release, not about making any sort of bond between clan members," Angel said slowly. When all else failed, honesty often shocked others into revealing something about their own twisted emotions. It often worked in therapy when Xander would start poking at him to avoid dealing with his own issues.

"What I do with Spike is about the bond we share. We spent a lot of years apart, and sometimes I do feel a need to push him down and take him just so that I know he really is still here and still mine." Angel clenched his teeth. Revealing this much made him feel raw and exposed, and if this backfired, he was backhanding Faith into submission and then going to LA to eat both of Xander's therapists and Lorne. Dealing with emotions truly was far more work than just hiding in alleys eating rats.

"You don't feel that with me?" Faith asked. Maybe she meant to sound aggressive, but the words came out tentative... almost wistful.

"You are human, no matter what Spike says about your demonic blood. You were born and raised in a world where the person who takes care of you does not climb in your bed. It's not the same as with Spike."

"Fuck that. My stepfather... the first one who showed me around the curves... he started when I couldn't have been more than seven or eight. If you think you have to protect my honor, you're way too late, Big A. After all, like Wesley's always telling me, I can't expect anything else when I go cavorting with demons."

For a second, Angel didn't answer. The signs had been there, and Blair had talked him through how to handle the possibility that Faith had been abused, but the reality still struck him mute. "I think," he said slowly, "that if that man were here right now, I'd rip his head off and refuse to even drink the blood of filth like that." The whole time, he had been holding Faith's wrist, and now he let it go and studied her. Whatever she had been expecting, it wasn't what Angel was saying to her now. "I think you deserve more than that."

She narrowed her eyes. "Fuck your pity. I take care of myself. And look, if you're out fucking half the town, I don't care. But Spike has this weird shit where I'm supposed to keep it in the family, so that leaves Spike, Xander or you. Unless you're volunteering, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do."

"Spike isn't enough for you?" Angel asked.

"Fuck you. A girl just likes a little variety. God knows you get some, but apparently, the rest of us play by different rules. Life's like that though, isn't it?"

Angel frowned at the fragments of vampire lore Faith had absorbed from Spike. "As the oldest, I do get to take it outside the family," Angel agreed. "I don't often, but I can."

"And Spike can, too. It's just me who's supposed to sit home like a saint with her knees crossed. I'm not a fucking saint."

"I don't expect you to be, and Spike can't take partners without my permission. We're vampires, and in a clan, the oldest and strongest controls the others."

"So you think you control me?" Faith asked as she slowly circled around him. Angel could feel the gathering storm in her every movement. He had thought he had left Spike with the more difficult task of dealing with Xander. Normally Faith's reactions were demonic enough to be familiar; however, she was not in a normal mood.

"I think I control Spike. I've never assumed you or Xander were vampires."

"Then you don't mind if I go fuck some random guy on the street."

Angel clenched his teeth. Blair had warned him that abused children often reclaimed authority over their sexuality by proving they had the authority to give it away, but Angel could admit that this made his teeth ache. "I would tie you up and drag you to Xander's therapist," Angel finally said, his teeth clenched.

She frowned at him, but the look was more confused than unhappy. "No fucking way."

"Try me."

"It was just sex," Faith sighed dramatically, and the tension fell from her body as she leaned against the side of the door that led back down to the apartments. "What the fuck are you getting so worked up about? I had an itch, Xander had a lack of first-hand experience, and we kept it in the clan."

"Which would be perfect logic if either you or Xander were vampires," Angel pointed out. He studied Faith. If she and Xander were vampires, he would assume that she was struggling to prove her status over Xander or accepting Xander into the clan and reinforcing a bond with him. That didn't make much sense, especially since Xander wasn't bound to the clan by any bonds of blood or sex... nothing more significant that a bloodmark linked him to any of them.

"Did Spike say something to make you think Xander wasn't firmly entrenched in the clan?" Angel demanded. It would make sense if he assumed Xander and Faith were vampires.

Faith snorted bitterly before she headed toward the door down to the apartments. Angel caught her by the arm and yanked her around before letting go.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" Faith shouted. "You want to fuck me? Do you? You think I went too far with Xander and now you want to come in and put me over your knee? Is that the game we're fucking playing? Hey, let's have at it," she shouted while she shrugged out of her shirt, dropping it on the pebbled roof of the building while she twisted around to grab at her bra catch.

Grabbing her wrist, Angel yanked her forward before she could free her bra. "I want you to talk to me. Did you think Xander wasn't in the clan? Did you think you had to form a bond between you?"

"You really are fucking stupid," Faith laughed dismissively. Before Angel could control himself, he backhanded her, slamming her into the building that housed the air conditioner so hard that the metal roof shivered and rattled.

"Do na push too far, girl," Angel warned.

"Or what? You going to throw me out if I don't play good little girl?" Faith sneered as she reached up and touched her lip with her finger.

"I'll put ya in your place the way I do William." Angel took two steps forward, but instead of retreating, Faith dropped her hands and stood up straight to face him.

"Five by five. You think I can't take it? I'm tougher than I look big man."

Angel stopped, his hands already reaching for her. "You want me to inflict a little vampire discipline?" Angel asked in disbelief.

"That's what you are, isn't it?" Faith again sneered at him. Angel took a step back as the pieces slid into place. She was concerned about clan sex and clan bonds. She slept with Xander. She was offering herself to him.

"I don't think Spike would appreciate me bruising his favorite slayer," Angel said in a calculated move to test his newly minted theory.

She gave a huff of derisive laughter. Oh yes, Faith was worried about her own place in the clan. She'd slept with Xander to secure her position. Angel could understand that motivation from a vampire's perspective. Whenever Darla had grown frustrated about Angel's childer and the attention they demanded from him, he had taken her to bed, reinforcing their own bond with violent sex. She had taken him violently whenever her own sire had left her feeling worthless. Angel had used Spike's need for a bond against him by reinforcing his own control over Drusilla over and over. Sometimes Angel wondered if Slayers were not more demon than human because this behavior was entirely too familiar from his days in a court.

"Spike would care," Angel said as he reached up toward Faith. She didn't move as he brought his thumb up to her split lip and ran the pad of it across the injury. Bringing his thumb to his mouth, he sucked Faith's blood. She watched with wary eyes. "Spike would care a lot, but you're right that he wouldn't challenge me over it. However, you are mine, and I will not discipline the human members of my clan violently. Since you are not capable of controlling yourself right now, you will not be allowed outside your apartment without me. You patrol with me. You go to the library only if I am present. You will not meet with that sorry excuse for a watcher without me watching over your shoulder. You are officially grounded. Do you understand?" Angel crowded close to her, pressing against her so that she would understand that he wasn't turning her loose—he wouldn't cut her off from the clan.

She stared at him. For the first time tonight, the Faith-mask slipped. Normally, under her façade she carried a wariness and anger that made Angel ache for her, but right now, there was a strange sort of hopefulness in her eyes.

"You are my responsibility. I don't like what you did with Xander, and we will be having that discussion later, but that doesn't change the fact that you are still mine," Angel said firmly.

She looked away, and Angel waited, his body still pinning her to the side of the small mechanical room, but she wasn't fighting for space. In fact, if Angel was guessing right, she was fighting for the right to have less space.

When she spoke, something in her voice was empty. "Sometimes, people fuck up too bad. Is Xander okay?"

"He'll forgive you. Cordelia won't, but Xander will," Angel answered truthfully enough. "And I don't believe people are capable of fucking up too badly for redemption. Your sin pales compared to mine. I've killed and raped and maimed thousands of people, and the only way I can live with that is by believing that anyone can be redeemed."

Faith stood in silence, her eyes shining suspiciously bright as she stared off into the night sky. "Wesley's not going to like me being grounded."

"Fuck Wesley." Angel flinched the moment his poor choice of words slipped out. He was trying to make a connection to Faith, but his skill with profanity obviously had rusted since his days as Liam.

Faith caught the joke too because she gave a dark chuckle. "I think his ass is way too tight for you, Big A. Maybe Giles could get up there. I bet he's a real pencil dick."

"That's a mental image I could live without," Angel said with a grimace as he considered the two watchers. He was not a fan of either man.

Faith shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Get Wesley out of his glasses and he might not be totally awful. He's just a little too fond of rules. And I know he would bend over and take it in the ass from the whole fucking Council. He'd probably thank them with every thrust," she said with more laughter, but now it had an almost hysterical undertone. Angel reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Has Wesley done something to make you uncomfortable?" Angel asked, feeling weirdly like he had just become one of those dreadful after school specials Xander had used to torture him. From the look Faith gave him, she was thinking pretty much the same thing.

"He called the Council."

"Why?"

Faith took a deep breath. "The Council might have gotten the impression that Buffy killed a human on patrol two nights ago."

"She..." Angel stopped and replayed the wording of that over in his head. "How did they come to that conclusion?"

"Probably because I told them she did," Faith said with a wry grimace and a shrug. She pushed on Angel's chest, and he refused to move for a second, just long enough to let her know that she didn't have the power to make him move; she only had the power to express her desire and he made the choice to let her go free. Once he had backed off, she paced the length from Angel to the edge of the building and back again before she continued.

"It was crazy. B and I were staking vampires, and then this guy just comes out from nowhere and I was already in slay-mode. He jumped out at me and before B could yell out a warning... I...." She waved vaguely with her hand, but Angel didn't need any more explanation. That explained why she needed to feel more connected to the clan. She was like a fledge who had brought a gaggle of hunters back to the lair, and she wanted some sort of reassurance that she wasn't getting thrown to the wolves while the rest of the clan ran for it... or while the rest of the clan stole the last horse and left her to deal with the angry mob alone. Angel could understand that particular fear.

"Are they coming here?" Angel asked as he started running through options.

She shrugged.

"Have you told anyone that you stabbed him and not Buffy?"

She shook her head. Angel had never seen Faith so quiet or subdued.

"Giles isn't going to let them take Buffy, especially after she tells him that she didn't kill the man," Angel pointed out as he started considering the other players on the field. Willow, Giles, and Calendar would back Buffy's play, even had Buffy done it, they would back her. Considering that Buffy was innocent, they would do anything to protect her from any possible punishment or retaliation. Faith's arms were crossed over her stomach as she silently stared out over the night sky, but Angel was talking to himself as much as to her.

"Spike will rip the throats out of the first man to put his hand on you. I'll probably get the second. Xander will definitely try and back you up, but you've put him in a difficult spot to do that emotionally," Angel said honestly.

She nodded.

"Cordelia and Oz will likely stay out of any conflicts, but the mayor is smart enough to turn this to his advantage. With our best fighters broken into two camps, this will be an ideal time to try to get our group to fight Buffy's group rather than focusing on him."

"I'm sorry," Faith said softly.

"For what?" Angel waited curiously for the answer. Faith certainly had apologies to make, but none were to him.

"For making this whole mess," she said softly.

"Which mess?"

Her laugh was dark and pained. "I killed that man."

Angel knew the guilt she was feeling. He felt it every single morning when he woke up. Sometimes the weight of it left him struggling to even get out of bed once the sun went down. "I know you didn't mean to. Men die in the heat of battle, and not always the right ones," Angel reassured her, but the words didn't seem to have much effect. "Do you want me to lie and say the feeling gets easier?" Angel asked.

Faith tilted her head toward him. "I'm a little old for fairy tales."

"The pain is always there, but when you do something good, it gets easier to believe that you aren't evil," Angel said softly. Most days he doubted there were enough good deeds in the whole universe for him to believe that about himself. Occasionally, he could bring himself to the brink of believing that he had a chance at becoming a good man.

"I feel evil." Faith's breath was coming in ragged gasps now.

"I know."

"And then I went and fucked over Xander. I'm just...." She paused. "I'm evil."

"No, you aren't," Angel quickly corrected her. He stepped to her side, his shoulder brushing hers as he struggled to find a way to reach her. "You feel that way, and I do understand that. However, you made a mistake. That does not make you evil. Giles summoned a demon when he was young. Calendar knew my soul was in danger, and she allowed Xander to move in with me without any warning. They are not evil people."

"Just stupid ones?" Faith asked with a sarcastic smile as she looked over at him.

"Exactly."

Faith turned back toward Sunnydale, watching as the lights of the town slowly started winking out one by one. The sun would be up in a few hours and even the demons were starting to head for their beds. "Tell me I'll stop feeling evil," she whispered.

"You will stop feeling evil... eventually."

"You're really not good at this whole reassuring shit, are you?"

"Not really," Angel agreed.

She glanced over at him. "Tell me I haven't fucked things up for you and Spike and Xander."

"You just complicated things a little," Angel said as he reached up to rest his hand on Faith's bare shoulder. Her shirt lay on the roof, and her skin was starting to pimple in the chill, but she didn't seem to notice.

"They're going to want to take me. I know they are," Faith breathed the words almost silently, her fear flavoring the night air.

"They can't have you."

"But if I stay here, you're right... the mayor is going to use this to turn our two groups against each other."

Angel sighed. The mayor would, and the man was uncannily good at manipulation. Faith leaned into Angel, seeking reassurance, but he had only the truth to offer her. "Yes, he is."

She nodded sharply. "I should leave."

It was the logical solution, but Angel could feel a shiver go through Faith--one that had nothing to do with the cold.

"You're a member of this clan. You will na go leaving without permission," Angel said firmly. She looked up at him, disbelief written over her expression. "But you probably need to get out of town." Angel admitted as he considered the logistics. "I can send Spike with..."

"No," Faith interrupted. Angel raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything, she was already talking again. "No, with the mayor ascending, you need your fighters here. I fucked up, and I'm a big enough girl to take my medicine. I'll pack my bags and get out of here by nightfall." She turned away from him, and Angel caught her by the arm again.

"I just told you that ya will not leave without permission, and you do not have permission. I will find someone I trust to take you in for a while, but you are a member of this family. Once the council has backed off and the mayor is dealt with, I will either bring you back or someone will join you, but I will not have you out in the world alone."

"Angel?" Faith sounded so confused and lost and hopeful that he had an overwhelming urge to find her stepfather and torture him for causing such deep injuries on her soul. Since the curse, Angel had firmly denounced torture, but he could make an exception.

"You'll always be family," Angel told her firmly as he reached out and caught her in a one-armed hug. Faith clung to his shirt, her back heaving with sobs. "Even if you have to go away for a while to be safe, you'll always be my family." Angel didn't have any other reassurances to offer her, so he just stood on the roof holding her as she cried, her tears staining his shirt as that mask of hers crumbled to reveal a wounded child who just needed to be held.

The Window Through Which You See the World

Xander followed Angel and Spike into the library, his eyes wide open. He really did not want to miss the historic meeting of Wesley and the fang gang. And he was probably avoiding the big issues here in favor of a cheap thrill when Wesley pissed his pants, but Xander had never pretended to be anything other than petty and in denial. Wesley piss first, dealing with Cordelia later.

And speaking of... the suit boy himself was bending over a big book that was lying open on the table. Buffy leaned against the circulation desk with an expression on her face that was looking way too much like Faith's, complete with the homicidal glare in Wesley's general direction. Actually, when they'd put Faith on the plane for Cascade, she'd looked way less homicidal than Buffy did right now. Then again, Willy had just called with the story of a Council team in town, so that might explain the whole homicidal look.

Spike slid to the side of the door while Angel headed right for Wesley, clearing his throat as he went. Wesley turned, and half way through the movement, he caught sight of exactly who had come into the library. His attempt to turn turned into a wide-eyed, arm-flailing retreat to the far side of the table where he grabbed at a half-carved stake.

"You... you're... good lord, you're Angelus!" Wesley clutched his stake to his chest like a teddy bear, and Xander snickered at the sight. Yep, one growl, and pissing would definitely be on the agenda. Across the room, Spike growled, a low, dangerous rumble that echoed in the room, and Wesley jumped and clutched his stake tighter.

Angel sighed and turned to give Spike a dirty look. Xander only smirked wider... at least until Angel turned the glare in his direction.

"I know who you are. I will not be deceived," Wesley grandly announced. He reached into his pocket and brought out a cross, holding it in front of him like a shield.

This time, Buffy snickered.

"I'm Angel, not Angelus," Angel said wearily. Xander managed to bite his tongue and not point out that Wesley would last about thirty seconds with Angelus. He reconsidered Wesley's tight grip on his stake and really, really bad form. Maybe ten seconds. Five if Angelus really focused instead of going all megalomaniacal with the descriptions of future evil. Angelus kinda liked to hear himself brag, which was a good way to tell him from Angel.

Wesley stiffened. "You cannot believe that I believe there is any difference."

With a huge smile, Buffy moved toward the table, twirling her own stake in a move definitely intended to show off. "Hi guys," she said with a smile toward Angel and a stake poke in Spike's general direction. "Wesley, I have heard the many and disturbing stories. There's difference, there's a huge difference. There is a whole world of soullike difference."

"Ms. Summers, I am versed in the curse with which Angelus is supposedly—"

Xander practically had a little countdown going in his head. Sure enough, Spike totally ran out of patience. "Bloody hell, I vote that we eat the berk and then just hunt down the fucking Council wankers." Spike glanced over at Buffy. "Wait... actually, they can have that one."

Buffy twirled her stake a little more aggressively. "Have I shown you my favorite stake, Spike?" The jokes were a little strained, and Xander knew full well that Spike was way not really joking with the letting Buffy get dead or captured offer, but at least they were all being civil... or what passed for civil with them. Standing on the far side of the table with his cross and stake, Wesley clearly hadn't received the memo that this was Spike and Buffy's version of playing nice.

"Stake him," Wesley demanded, his voice ending in a bit of a squeak.

"Hey, this is a new outfit. I do not want Spike dust cooties on me!" Buffy objected.

Just about the same time, Spike turned to her and spread his arms wide, inviting her to start a fight. "You're welcome to try, ducks."

Angel sighed, but before he could start yelling at anyone, Wesley found his voice. "Get out of this library or I will send both of you back to the bowels of hell from which you came."

The whole library pretty much went silent at that. Xander's brain was coming up with so many intestinal jokes that he had some sort of comic traffic jam where he couldn't actually manage to pick just one, and Spike literally turned his back on Buffy to stare at Wesley. "Fucking hell," he cursed. "Is he serious? I've heard better dialogue out of Lon Chaney."

Buffy shook her head and pulled out a chair from the table just as Giles walked into the library. "Sadly, yes. It's all 'bowels' this and 'good lord' that. Well, to be fair, Giles is very much with the 'good lord', but not so much with the bowels."

For a second, Giles stopped at the entrance to the door and just stared in obvious surprise at the group. Xander remembered the day when this little gathering would have inspired glasses cleaning and threats, but they had become much more trucelike since then. Now he just sighed and focused on Buffy. "Yes, thank you so much for that vote of support. I am underwhelmed with your expression of respect," he told her. Buffy ducked her head and shrugged at him.

"Wesley, I just received some news about a group of men who've come into town. Perhaps we can discuss a few things in private." Giles sounded all calm, but there was something in his voice that gave Xander the impression that Wesley really and truly did not want to be alone with the G-man right now. Obviously Giles was not in on the 'turning Buffy over to the English dudes' plan.

"What? Now? There are vampires in the room, Mr. Giles," Wesley protested.

"Yes, of course. Where are my manners?" Giles asked, and again there were very unGilesy tones in that voice of his. He turned to Angel and smiled, and that was truly not an expression Giles used with Angel. "What can I do for you Angel?"

That really didn't go over well with the tweed crowd. "What can you do for him?" Wesley demanded, his voice nearly a squeak. "Mr. Giles, do you have any idea to whom you are speaking?" Wesley went so far as to point his tightly-clutched stake at Angel. "Whether you call yourself Angel or Angelus, you will get out. Get out of this library right now."

"I'm trying—" Angel started, but Giles pretty much ignored him.

"I am well aware of their identities." They are one half of the Scourge of Europe and the current pains in my English arse. They are also uninterested in opening any Hellmouths, at least at the present time. However, if they are here to create mayhem with you, I might not object considering that you have tried to turn my slayer over to a group of thugs because she wouldn't fit into your narrow-minded, ham-fisted plans. So, bugger off." Giles turned to head for his office, clearly not interested in any long drawn-out conversations, slamming the door shut behind him.

Buffy stared after him with an expression that looked a little bit like someone had just hit her with a dead fish. "Wesley broke Giles. That was broken Giles. Unbroken Giles is way stuffier than that," she whispered, her eyes still focused on the closed door. Xander kinda agreed with her.

Standing near the door, Xander watched the shifting patterns in the room. Spike had taught him to watch a fight like the way you watch a weather front or weird looking birds with bizarre mating rituals. It was all about power and positioning. Spike moved slowly from one side of the room to the other, his normal nervous energy contained like a hurricane that all its wind shoved down into one very dangerous tiny package. But no matter where Spike moved, he always stayed close enough to Angel that he didn't allow major furniture between them. Giles had retreated to either get a drink or avoid killing Wesley, no telling which, and Buffy just sat in the middle, the original immoveable object. Neither tweedy interlopers or pissy Giles or vampires would make her give up her chair at the table where she looked leaned on one elbow and just sort of scanned the room.

Wesley finally gathered his wits enough to talk without sounding like he was going through puberty. "Buffy, we will go out the back."

"Oh yeah, like going out back would save you if they were evil, which they aren't," Xander pointed out as he started detouring around Angel to sit at the table with Buffy. Angel reached out and caught him by the back of the shirt and pulled him back.

"Oi, I'm plenty evil," Spike objected.

"Shut up," Angel said without letting go of Xander's shirt. "Wesley, we came to talk about the man killed on patrol the other night.

Giles' office door came open and hit the wall hard enough to rattle. Standing in the open doorway, Giles looked a little red-faced. Yep, he'd gone for the good booze. Xander remembered that glossy-eyed look from his days of living with Tony Harris. Of course, now Tony Harris was more into the living on the streets and looking stoned, but that was his choice. Giles, though, just had the look of a man who had thrown back way too much booze way too fast. "Yes, Wesley, perhaps we should talk about this rumor I recently heard."

Wesley looked from Giles to Angel and back again. If Xander had to bet, he was guessing that Giles was way more with the dangerous right now. That was not a warm and friendly expression on his face. That was the expression of a man who had and might again summon a demon.

"Buffy killed a man on patrol. My duty to the Council—"

"Your duty was to your slayer!" Giles exploded as he strode forward until he stood next to Buffy, his hand slapping down on the table hard enough to startle Xander. Angel pulled him even closer, and Spike shifted into a new position closer to them both.

Wesley stiffened and blinked so fast that Xander thought the man was either about to cry or trying to fly using the power of his eyelashes. Oh yeah, seeing the power of Giles turned on someone else was almost amusing enough to make him forget how shitty it felt when Giles had ripped into him. Maybe Angel was thinking the same thing because Xander found himself pulled so close that his back was pressed to Angel's chest, and really... that was not good positioning for a fight.

"There is a bigger picture—" Wesley started, but he was not really having a good day for getting to finish his sentences.

"Buffy didn't do it," Angel said loudly.

"See?!" Buffy demanded. "Wait, how do you know I didn't do it?" she asked Angel, but Wesley just ignored her as he turned his attention to Angel again.

"I hardly think your word is good for anything."

"And what about Buffy's word?" Giles asked in a voice that was way too calm for his homicidal expression. Xander wondered if somebody shouldn't call Jenny and see if maybe she couldn't come and play referee... or maybe just turn someone into a rat. Xander normally disapproved of ratting, but right now, Wesley was kinda asking for it.

"Yeah, what about Buffy's word," Buffy demanded.

"And why did you not come to me?" Giles asked as he turned on her. The righteous indignation drained from Buffy and she started looking a whole lot more sheepish.

"I was going to," she started weakly.

"Mr. Giles, there are vampires in the room. While you may not be fond of your life, I assure you that I do not intend on shuffling off this mortal coil any time soon. I shall be in my quarters if you are interesting in discussing the rules and regulations of my position," Wesley grandly announced as he started backing toward the rear exit. Spike glanced over, and whatever he saw in Angel's expression, made him grin madly.

Before Xander could figure out what Spike's expression meant, the vamp darted forward and bitch slapped Wesley. Wesley stumbled away from the table, and his stake clattered to the ground. Before Buffy could get up from the table, Giles' hand landed on her shoulder and kept her from flying into the fight. Not that there was a fight. There was just Spike with Wesley in a headlock as Wesley did a lot of really embarrassing flailing. And squeaking. He was definitely squeaking.

"For heaven's sake, he is not hurting you, so kindly shut your gob," Giles said in a very cranky voice.

"I knew I liked you for a reason, Rupes," Spike said with an eyebrow wiggle. Spike hauled Wesley back to the table and shoved him down into the chair across from Buffy before leaning both of his hands on Wesley's shoulder.

Giles was clearly not impressed if the eyerolling meant anything. "Your approval makes my life complete. Angel, what exactly is your purpose here? If you are concerned about the Council taking Buffy, I can assure you that I had a long talk with them about the inadvisability of such action."

"I'm more interested in Faith's future," Angel said. He finally let go of Xander and stepped forward. "Buffy didn't kill that man, Faith did."

"Which is the other thing I've said over and over, not that Wesley was doing much with the listening," Buffy complained quietly.

"Faith told me the real story." Wesley looked indignant until Spike dug his fingers into his shoulders, and then he hunched his back and made little distressed noises.

"Spike," Angel warned. Spike didn't look happy, but he did loosen his hold enough that Wesley stopped turning red in the face. Angel stepped up to the end of the table. "Faith told me the real story. She and Buffy were patrolling, and she thought the man in the alley was a vampire."

Wesley glared up at Spike for a second before turning his attention to Angel, and Xander had to give the man credit for having balls. He didn't have much brains, but he had balls.

"Faith is far more controlled in her attacks, so while I understand her attempt to cover for someone she sees as a friend, I still believe that Miss Summers with her inept attack style and refusal to properly trained caused the death."

"Hey, geek boy, Buffy is anything but inept... well, except for biology, she's got the inept going in biology."

Buffy turned to look at him. "Thanks so much, Xander," she said sarcastically. "But as I have said at least a dozen times, it was an accident, but it was an accident with Faith's hand on the stake." Buffy held up her hand, mimicking the motion of staking, and Xander nearly swallowed his tongue, because staking was not what it looked like she was mimicking. From the smirk on Spike's face, he had caught it as well.

The humor vanished when Xander thought about the other accident Faith had with her hand on a stake. His cock still itched, but that might be from the shower. The water had gotten a little hot when he'd been trying to get the feeling of Faith off his skin. The guys in the locker room were all about how good sex felt, and it did. It totally felt good. But then the good ended and you were left thinking about what a big, giant jerk you were for having the sex, and then you started wondering things that it definitely weren't healthy to wonder. His brain was dancing between topics like a monkey on crack. What if he'd gotten a venereal disease from her? She wasn't exactly the poster child for safe sex. She wasn't even the poster child for semi-safe sex. If they had poster children for sex that could get you killed, Faith would so be on it. And then his brain turned to thoughts of what it felt like to be held down. When her hands had caught his belt, he'd known it was wrong. He'd fisted the grass, but she was on him, her mouth on his, and that flash of wrongwrongwrong had vanished under 'oh fucking hell' and he'd given in. Knowing that the truth was going to shred Cordelia, he'd gone and had sex with Faith. God he was slime.

Xander pushed the slime thoughts aside because he needed to focus on here and now. He could freak about his own life the next time Angel dragged him to LA for therapy, and after the Faith and Xander show, he expected that to happen really soon.

"Perhaps you could tell us what happened," Giles suggested softly, his gaze on Buffy.

"So you shall just believe her? I questioned both girls extensively," Wesley argued, and again, Xander had to admire the balls and the ability to talk with no brains because no one with a brain would continue to get so pissy with Spike holding them prisoner.

"Newsflash," Xander said as he stepped forward; he was really sick of rehashing the Faith issue. "Faith told Angel and then told me and then told Spike and then a guy on the phone and then Jenny who she left a message for on her machine saying that she killed that guy. And yeah, she's feeling pretty torn up about it, and Faith and torn up is not really much like anyone else's torn up, but everyone gets to do their own version of crazy. So, she admitted that she did it and now she's left town to try and deal with it. Issue over. At least if Giles really sent the English guys away, the issue is over because if the English guys are still here, there be issues that not be over." Xander smiled goofily at the group, but instead of getting that exasperated-amused expression of his, Angel got his exasperated-worried expression on. He stepped to Xander's side and rested a hand on his shoulder before turning to Giles.

"Xander's right. Faith admitted that she killed the man by accident, and she is having a lot of trouble dealing with it. She does not trust easily." Angel's glare focused on Wesley. "Given the authority figures in her life, I don't blame her." Wesley paled, but this time he was smart enough to keep his big mouth shut.

"You sent her to LA?" Giles asked before the glasses finally came off.

"I sent her to get some help. She's scared, and her reaction to fear is not..." Angel paused, "rational."

Giles didn't answer, but he nodded.

"Where is she?" Wesley demanded. "She is my responsibility, and even if Mr. Giles has been derelict in his duties, I will not—" he squealed as Spike tightened his grip.

"Spike!" Angel yelled.

"Wot? The berk is a soddin' pain in the arse. Faith is ours, and we'll bloody well take care of her without him sayin' or doin' anything to muck it up worse."

"I would never—" Wesley made another pained noise.

"Right then, let's get this clear," Spike said cheerfully. Xander looked over at Angel, but he didn't seem interested in stepping in. "You're a fucking idiot. Your plans are idiotic, your strategies are idiotic and your research... you bloody believe anything ever written in a book, which means you can't tell shite from a shiny rock," Spike said. He let go of one of Wesley's shoulders and slapped him on the back in a gesture that would have looked friendly if it hadn't sent Wesley rocking forward so that he had to slap his hands on the table to keep his nose from hitting it. "The Council sent ya to get these two killed so they'd have a nice controllable bird on their leash. Now, I'd just as soon eat ya as look at you, but Angel there says that I don't get to kill you unless you make one move toward hurting either Buffy or Faith directly."

Wesley's mouth fell open in shock, and even Giles paused mid-polish with his glasses still in hand.

"Since the Council was using a mistake as an excuse ta pick up one of the slayers, I'm going to assume that they're willing to take a more active role in getting rid of these two and calling up a new one. So, if you do anything to help the Council—if you call them or send them one bloody report or ask for one bloody book for your collection—I'm going to take that as you acting directly against the slayers. Got it? One phone call, and you'll be my dinner so fast that ya won't have time to get dizzy from blood loss."

"I hardly think—" Giles started.

"He's right." Angel spoke quietly, but Giles stopped talking and slipped his glasses back on. "When Kendra was here, the Council sent anything you asked for... research, books, information. Since Faith arrived, they have been uncooperative."

"That might be due to my own... difficulties... with the group," Giles said carefully. His hand was resting on Buffy's shoulder. Xander was grateful for that support because she looked like someone had just punched her in the stomach.

"Not bloody likely." Spike jerked Wesley to his feet, and the chair he had been sitting in flew across the room as he accidentally kicked it. "Ya like to tell how you were headboy. So, tell me, how well did you do on the practical portions of watcher training?" Spike asked him. Spike had that pseudo-concerned look on his face, the one that made Xander wonder whether he was going to eviscerate someone. It was like watching a snake consider a rat. Spike let go of Wesley altogether and backed off a step, his head cocking as he considered him. "When you faced your first vampire, did you pass with flying colors or piss yourself?" Spike vamped out, and Wesley jumped. His butt was already braced up against the table, so he couldn't retreat, but he might die of a heart attack if Spike kept this up too long.

"I... I was successful."

"He is incompetent," Angel said. "And he is part of a plan to get rid of Buffy and Faith."

"As far as I'm concerned, they can have Buffy, but I'll rip the guts out of the first plonker to make a move toward Faith," Spike said with a snarl that showed all of his fangs. Wesley's hands clutched the edge of the table.

"That might be possible," Giles said slowly.

"It most certainly is not," Wesley snapped. Spike snarled again, and he fell silent and swallowed so rapidly that his Adam's apple did calisthenics.

"It's the only thing that makes sense." Angel stepped forward. "When Kendra was here, you had funding, access to research and all the assistance they could offer."

"And it still didn't save her," Wesley said snidely.

"She attacked me, mate. I never promised I wouldn't defend myself; I only promised to not start anything."

Angel ignored the distraction. "But now there are problems with your funding, they don't answer calls, they send an incompetent watcher, they won't share magical objects, and you can't get any research on this Ascension of the mayor's. This is an emergency, but they're still busy playing politics. I know that Buffy's not mine to defend." Angel looked at Buffy, and for one second, Xander could see the longing in his eyes. Angel still wanted her. He wanted her or he wanted to share her destiny or maybe he just wanted to be the perfect man she had always talked about that first year after Jesse died. Sometimes Xander didn't understand Angel, but he knew the vampire well enough to know that Angel's feelings for Buffy still ran deep. The emotion passed and, once again, Angel's eyes were cold. "You protect Buffy however you need to, but I will do what I have to in order to protect Faith."

"Even if that means killing?" Giles asked, his back a little straighter as he looked from Angel to Spike and back again.

"Yes," Angel said. No excuses or denials or explanations, just yes.

Wesley did a fish impersonation with his mouth going open and closed.

"They want me dead?" Buffy finally asked. Xander had rarely seen her look so utterly lost.

Giles didn't answer, but he stepped closer and put his second hand on her other shoulder.

"Right then," Spike interrupted the solemn silence, "if ya want to be the Council's boy, you run home to England where you're safe from the monsters. If you stay here, you either cut ties or I'll kill you. Got it?" Spike reached out and ran a finger down Wesley's tie in a gesture that mocked affection. Wesley was totally frozen. Spike looked up at the man and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I understand perfectly well," Wesley hurried to say.

"Good boy." Spike patted him on the cheek and backed up.

"They want me dead?" Buffy asked again, and Xander felt a stab of guilt at having rearranged her world view again. But better to rip out her idealism than let the Council rip out her guts.

"The entire Council, no," Giles assured her. "But Quentin Travers has a rather narrow and slanted view of Slayers and their role. He might be capable of this sort of manipulation."

"Great, so only the head guy is trying to kill me. Kudos to me," Buffy said quietly. Giles patted her shoulder. "Buffy, you are safe. The Council team has left with some convincing."

"Just how convincing were you?" Angel asked.

Giles stared at him for several seconds. "Jenny and I can be quite convincing," Giles said firmly. Angel took that as some sort of reassurance because he nodded.

"Spike," Angel said. Immediately Spike sort of danced backwards before he turned and headed for the door. Angel caught Xander by the arm and then they were quickly following.

They were out in the hall before Spike spoke. "Bloody hell, didn't mind that a bit. Mind you, it would have been a lot more fun to rip the wanker's bollocks off and make him eat 'em." Spike bounced and cracked his neck first one way and then the other, just like how he did before a fight.

"If he continues to conspire with the Council, you can do it then," Angel said. Xander looked up at him in surprise, but Angel didn't flinch away from the shock on Xander's face.

"Right, that's not disturbing, not at all," Xander complained softly.

"Wot? You'd rather let those pillocks go after the girls?" Spike demanded.

"Hey, no. I'm big with the condemning pillocks, even without knowing what a pillock is. I'm just a little iffy on the ripping off of body parts." Xander held his hands up in surrender. Looking down the hall, he caught sight of a woman leaning against a locker watching their group. Xander stopped walking. "Um guys, I think I need to go face some music."

Angel looked down the hall and then at Xander. "Are you sure?" he asked. Xander nodded. For a second, Angel's hand remained on his shoulder, the grip just firm enough that Xander knew he couldn't pull away. Then Angel gave a nod and let go.

"Hey, I'll see you guys at home, okay?" he asked, backing away from them and towards Cordelia. If she was going to kill him, he really wanted her to have a head start on the running for Canada, and if she left him alive, he didn't want witnesses for his humiliation. For a second, he didn't think Angel was going to take the hint. Thankfully, Angel turned toward the closest exit, catching Spike's arm and dragging him out with him. Right. Now Xander just had to survive his confession to Cordelia.

Man is a Knot

Man is a knot into which relationships are tied. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Bloody hell, you're leaving him?" Spike demanded the moment they walked out the door into the hot night. Angel gave him an incredulous look and he had the intelligence to shut up. Strangely, Angel had thought it would be hard to allow Spike to threaten a human life. He had expected to stand there on the verge of panic as he tried to give Spike enough room to threaten Wesley into submission. Instead, he found himself almost hoping Wesley would try something.

"Come on," Angel said as he used the decorative brick on the front of the school to climb up to the roof. Xander was in pain and planning on offering himself up on the altar of truth. While Angel could admire the boy's honesty, he wasn't about to leave him alone with Cordelia.

"About bloody time," Spike muttered as he followed him up to the roof.

Xander and Cordelia always seemed to gravitate to one particular classroom and that's where Angel headed. A tree outside the window would allow him to watch, and the night would keep Xander from noticing him, not that Xander would notice anything right now. He certainly wasn't about to let Xander walk home alone after this little encounter. If Xander died, that would be one more sin on Angel's conscience, and his conscience was already listing heavily in this current storm. He'd made bad choices; he'd picked himself and his redemption over his family. Watching Xander forgive Faith—not because he wasn't hurting, not because it benefited him, but simply because Faith was family—that had reminded Angel of a little truth or two. So, if Angel was going to give up on redemption in favor of protecting his family, then he would do whatever he had to do.

"So, is the boy right about Cordelia? Seems barmy to throw the boy over just because he got his end off with Faith," Spike commented as he kept pace right behind Angel.

"He betrayed her," Angel said shortly. He hated that Faith had wrecked Xander's life this way, but lying about it wouldn't help anything, and he wouldn't even advise Xander to try. Xander's ability to lie ranked up there with Spike's ability to give a shit about random strangers.

"Bloody humans," Spike snorted.

Angel paused on the roof, right next to the tree he planned to use for eavesdropping. Spike was right; human rules were awkward and ridiculous and painful. They were nearly as awkward and ridiculous and painful as vampire rules. "Why do you stay?" Angel asked Spike. The question shocked Spike so badly that he dropped his cigarette and then had to dance around as he tried to keep the cuff of his jeans from catching on fire.

"Bloody hell. Has the hair gel finally sunk into your brain then?" he demanded once he'd finally fished the thing out and crushed it.

"You have to be frustrated," Angel pointed out. "Faith and Xander insist on having relationships outside of the family, Cordelia is caught in a strange half-way land between being in our clan and not, I'm not... I'm not giving you what a sire should. Why do you stay?"

Spike's eyebrows went all the way up. "Mate, you feelin' alright? You peckish? Hallucinating maybe?"

"I asked you a question," Angel said with a growl.

Spike blinked a couple of times and cocked his head to the side. "You're family. Xander and Faith and Cordelia are alright. Can be a right treat fucking with 'em, or in Faith's case, just fucking her. Cordelia... bloody hell, she's just about a vampire already. Those cheerleaders are closer to vampires or wild animals than humans. And Xander..." Spike shrugged. "Boy reminds me of the plonker I used to be, always running around trying to please everyone else, doesn't he? 'Course he's not as handsome as a bloke as I am, but nobody's perfect."

"You want me to turn them," Angel said quietly. From a vampire perspective, that would make the most sense.

"Sometimes," Spike shrugged again. "If ya turned 'em, no guarantee they'd stay the same, though, is there? Oh, they'd be themselves, but they'd be a darker version. I lived through that once, watching you try to mold a vampire into who you thought he should be. Don't really feel like being around for another round of that." Spike crossed his arms and glared at Angel, practically daring him to deny that he'd tortured and molded and controlled all his childer.

"I don't plan to ever turn them, which means they'll grow old and die," Angel said quietly. This was where his new life's plan didn't make sense to him. Listening to Faith's confession on the roof and then Xander's simple declaration that Faith got a 'get out of fucking up free' card because she was family... that made Angel realize that he would sacrifice redemption for his family, but if he wanted to save his family, how could he let them die? Angel understood how to protect Faith from the Council. Blair had considerable magic, and with the charms Angel had given Faith, the Council would never be able to track her. But how could he protect her from growing up, from growing old, from dying the way all slayers eventually died? How could he protect Cordelia or Faith or even Xander from their humanity?

Spike walked over and sat on the ledge that ran around the edge of the roof. "I can't say I've thought much on it."

Angel didn't answer. Sometimes he missed that... the ability to live in the moment and just not worry about a future that hadn't arrived. For long minutes, the silence filled the air, and then Angel turned to leap off the roof only to land in the tree. The leaves and branches shook with his impact and then shook again two seconds later when Spike landed in the tree just above him.

"Bloody stupid leaping into a tree. You do know these things are made of wood, don't you?" Spike muttered, but Angel ignored him as he maneuvered down to a place where he'd be able to see into the classroom.

They were in there. Cordelia was sitting on the edge of the teacher's desk, her legs crossed and her foot bouncing in that way that suggested she was losing patience. Xander was hovering near the door looking ready to be sick.

"She won't hurt him, will she?" Spike suddenly asked.

"She might slap him," Angel admitted. It was better to tell Spike up front than risk having Spike lose his temper later. "She won't actually hurt him, though."

"Boy would feel better if she did. If she just went and whipped the flesh from his bones, he might stop stinking of guilt." Spike settled on a limb just above Angel.

"That works for vampires, not humans," Angel pointed out. Xander had finally stopped pacing and faced Cordelia. Vampire hearing meant that Angel could easily hear from his spot outside the window, but so far, Xander wasn't actually saying anything.

"Well?" Cordelia finally demanded.

"This is harder than I thought," Xander confessed. He crossed his arms over his stomach, and Angel just wished he could crash through the window and save Xander from this whole mess.

If he'd known what was going on in Faith's life, maybe he could have stopped this mess, but no, he'd been off playing crusader, staking vampires and trying to track down elusive rumors about the coming Ascension. He was no better than Guleesh, staring at the moon and wishing he was somewhere else, but there were no fairies to come and take him to the princess. There were only his choices, and the way his need to prove something had led to Xander, once again, getting hurt. The guilt of that failure gnawed at him. Now Xander was veering wildly between pretending everything was okay and despair and Faith was exiled to Cascade until she could deal with some of her issues.

"Whatever is going on, just say it," Cordelia sighed, her foot jiggling even faster.

"You won't like it."

"Has that ever stopped you before?"

"Hey, I was big with the not saying anything when we were ten and you had that funny haircut," Xander said, but the grin was forced. Even Cordelia must have spotted that because her foot stopped and she uncrossed her legs as she studied him.

"You're getting stranger by the day," she sniffed. However, she also hopped down from the desk and took a step toward him. If Cordelia didn't care for Xander, this would be much easier, but Angel knew that was not the case. With his supernatural hearing, he had caught her defending him and her relationship with him from some pretty vicious attacks from other cheerleaders. Apparently Xander's new clothes and cool older friend had raised him some on the social ladder, but the other cheerleaders still felt that he was below Cordelia. And by dating him, they felt that Cordelia lowered herself. Oddly, Spike was right; cheerleaders seemed to follow a code not so different from vampires, and showing weakness was not healthy in either. Yet Cordelia had risked censure to date Xander.

"Strangier and strangier," Xander agreed sadly.

"Bloody hell, we're going to be in this tree all fucking night at this rate."

"Shut up," Angel hissed. He did not need for Xander to catch them spying, but he did need to know what happened so he would know how to help Xander recover. Spike subsided with a snort. "Light that cigarette and I'll shove it down your throat," Angel warned after seeing what Spike was doing with his hands. He got a glare, but at least Spike shoved the thing back in a pocket.

"I do not have all day... or in this case, night. Whatever you have to say, just say it," Cordelia said, her tone clearly worried.

"Hey, if you're busy maybe we could do this later." Xander actually looked hopeful at that.

"Do what later? You still haven't told me what we're doing."

"We're talking... which is not so much with the doing and more with the just making with the... um... talking." Xander closed his eyes tightly, an expression of embarrassment that Angel had learned to recognize. Sure enough, the pink started coming into his cheeks.

"What did you do?" Cordelia demanded, her arms crossing over her chest.

"Um... uh... I...." Xander stammered to a halt.

"You didn't actually let the bleached one eat Wesley, did you?" she asked, and that was a tone of voice that even made Angel cringe.

"What? No. No, there was absolutely no eating." Xander blushed darker. "Of the sort that involves actual eating."

Spike snorted, and Angel had to agree that Xander was not at his best in this situation. Cordelia had her head tilted to the side as she considered him.

"What did you screw up?"

"Screw up?" Xander echoed weakly. "Why would you think I was the one with the screwing uppage?"

"You're a man. Men are stupid; hence, you scre—" Cordelia stopped mid-word. "Oh my god. Alexander LaVelle Harris, who was it?"

Xander physically jerked away, his back hitting the door as he stared at her with wide eyes.

Spike snorted again. "If he was planning on tryin' something clever, he's buggered that up, hasn't he?" Angel didn't bother answering because the answer was obvious.

"Who was what?"

Cordelia raised her hand, a sharp fingernail pointed right at Xander. "If you cheated on me with Harmony, you will both die slow and painful deaths."

"Harmony? Why would you think I would ever have anything to do with Harmony? And why would you think Harmony would have anything to do with me? Newsflash, she thinks I'm about three steps above total loser, which is way better than my freshman year when she put me below the lunch lady on the social scale, but still... me and Harmony?"

"Then who?" Cordelia was two inches from his face, and Angel had to admit that her expression was enough to frighten most humans or demon into fleeing for their lives. Xander just crossed his arms over his stomach and looked at her as though she were the firing squad preparing to execute him.

"I'm still trying to figure out how we came to the conclusion that I'm cheating at all."

Cordelia huffed. "Oh please, you're a man. There's only one thing a man ever does that makes him feel that guilty."

"Wait, so having sex with the non-girlfriend is the only bad that I could ever do? Because I'm telling you, I'm way better at screwing up than you seem to think. I can screw up and feel guilty about lots and lots of stuff."

Cordelia stumbled back away from him. "You had sex? You all the way had sex with someone who is not me?" Rather than angry, she sounded incredibly hurt. Angel almost wished she were angry because Xander would never survive the guilt of actually hurting Cordelia.

"Um... maybe?" Xander pressed his eyes closed.

"Bloody hell, he should not be closing his eyes around that one. That's about as dumb as turnin' your back on a Fyarl demon." Spike sounded caught between frustration and amusement, but Angel just ignored him. Xander had turned a ghastly shade of white

"Who?" Cordelia demanded. "Who is this that is so irresistible that you'd just shove a knife in my back?" Xander pressed his back to the door, and Angel could feel the growl building in his chest. "What, did you finally get in Queen Bitchy's pants? Not that you'd be the first to go there, would you?"

"Hey," Xander protested, but his righteous indignation faded almost immediately. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Oh, did you penis go wandering off without you? Did it stick itself in some skank while you were playing video games or watching some pathetic television?"

"Cordelia." Xander breathed the word like a prayer.

"Who?" Cordelia's voice was hard and brittle, a sound on the verge of shattering.

"Faith," Xander whispered, his arms clutching himself in search of comfort and Angel felt a flare of guilt heavy enough to make him feel as though he were suffocating.

"Faith? Faith who you think of as a sister Faith?" That had obviously shocked Cordelia.

"Way to make an already disturbing night way more with the disturb," Xander answered quietly. For many seconds, Cordelia just stared at him, her back stiff with rage and her hands clutched at her sides.

"Wait," she said slowly, "exactly how is this disturbing?"

Xander looked up incredulously, his arms loosening just a bit. "I can draw you a map of the disturbing we have going right here," he offered with a weak grin. Cordelia glared.

"Oh no. When I mentioned Faith being like a sister, you said that night was already disturbing. Why would that be disturbing."

"Oh, guilt, shame, potential lack of breathing in the near future when my beautiful girlfriend finds out."

"Which is why right now is disturbing," Cordelia said, her teeth already into this. "But you said that night was already disturbing and reminding you that Faith was like a sister made it more disturbing. Xander, what happened?" Cordelia took a step closer to him, but Xander shied away like a skittish horse.

"You know, Faith left town, so whatever you want to tell everyone, I will so go along with it... only can we not tell them I have some fatal illness or venereal disease? Although, if you really have your heart set on it..." Xander looked up at Cordelia, his fear and guilt and uncertainty painted over his face in bold colors.

"Xander," Cordelia said softly, but he just shied further away. With a heavy sigh, she turned her back on him and returned to the teacher desk where she had started the whole conversation. "Have you told Angel?"

"He kinda did the sniffing thing, which is way with the disturbing." Xander had backed himself into a corner between the wall and fire extinguisher. "I keep telling him that polite people do not go with the sniffing, but he insists on getting way too TMI about things like who is dating Buffy and lusting after other boys and Gwendolyn Post's sex change-a-roo. Way TMI."

Xander had complained about him discovering things through his sense of smell, and at one point, Angel had attempted to repress the parts of himself connected to the demon. At one point, he made an effort to walk through the world and experience it as much like a human as possible. That point was gone along with his silly infatuation with Buffy. After all, if he hadn't used his sense of smell and the Gem of Amara, he never would have found the military's latest toy buried under the UC Sunnydale campus.

"You would have told him anyway," Cordelia said with a small shake of her head.

"Um, did I lose track of the conversation somewhere?" Xander looked up at her for a second before dropping his gaze back down to the floor.

"Xander, who did you tell first about your mom kicking your dad's drunk ass out of the house?"

Xander didn't answer right away. He looked up at her in confusion, and Angel could practically taste the boy's need to figure out the right answer... to try and fix what he'd messed up or try and make her happy. "Angel was home when I got back from Mom's apartment." Xander shrugged, clearly not understanding the question, but Angel was starting to suspect that he knew where she was going.

Cordelia was already nodding. "And who did you go to after Kendra died?"

Xander just stared at her blankly. Angel remembered that night, though. He remembered holding Xander in that narrow bed in his old house. He remembered Xander crying with grief and anger until he had finally laid still in Angel's arms.

Now Cordelia was shaking her head. "Who did you go to when Buffy and Willow blamed you for Spike being Spike?"

Xander stared at her mutely for a second before he gathered his words. "I don't understand—"

"I've been playing emotional hide and seek with you. You didn't just cheat on me with Faith, you've been cheating on me with Angel for months... years... since the beginning. I guess I just thought you needed a father figure or something, but he's not being fatherly, and you just keep turning to him over and over. I can't...." Cordelia stopped and waved her hand randomly in the air in some gesture that meant nothing to Angel. From the confused expression on Xander's face, he wasn't getting any of this.

"You can't think that Angel and I..."

"God you're an idiot," Cordelia snapped, and now Angel could hear the emotional precipice she stood on reflected in her voice. One wrong word and she would cry and Xander would choke on his own guilt. "No, I don't think you and Angel are doing what you and Faith did. I'm saying that you aren't committed to a relationship with me, not emotionally or physically, and I can't trust you. You don't act like my best friend or my boyfriend or someone who wants to trust me with any part of his life, so maybe Harmony's right, maybe you are just trying to get me in bed."

"Hey, I would never—" Xander started, but when Cordelia held up a hand, he stopped.

"No, you won't ever," she told him firmly. "Talk to your therapist, figure this out on your own, tell Angel all your secrets... I don't care anymore, but as far as anyone in this school is concerned, I’m dropping your ass because your attempt at asking me to prom was both lame and cheap. And I do not date lame, cheap men," Cordelia finished. She headed for the door, her head held high and her back stiff. It didn't fool Angel for a second.

"Keep an eye on her," Angel said softly. He continued to watch Xander while Spike dropped out of the tree and wandered around to the far side of the school where Cordelia would have parked her car. Cordelia would feel better for sharpening her claws on Spike for a while, and he could keep an eye on Xander without having to worry about her getting home safe. He wondered exactly when he started thinking of Spike as a person trustworthy in the defense of human life, but he did. It went against every vampiric instinct Spike had, but Angel was willing to bet that he'd fight to the end for Cordelia, Xander or Faith. He'd never given his heart by halves, not like Angel. Spike wouldn't be caught between trying to serve his own redemption and his family until he failed both.

Nearly an hour passed before Xander finally stirred himself and pushed unsteadily away from the wall. Angel waited until Xander turned toward the front entrance before he dropped out of the tree. Xander needed privacy; he could respect that. He hated that because he wanted to be walking beside Xander, he wanted to reassure Xander, but instead he walked the shadows. With his head down and his feet dragging across the pavement, Xander walked slowly home, the picture of perfect misery.

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